Rejected Historical Mascots for the Ottawa Senators

By The Bonk's Mullet Staff

Yesterday, the Ottawa Senators announced the addition of four new mascots. They are supposed to look like former Prime Ministers of Canada, but they actually look like giant bobbleheads from Robin Lehner's nightmares.

William Lyon Mackenzie King about to conscript Spartacat into the T-shirt cannon corps.

The mascots will be used as in entertainment between periods at Senators home games, but are also intended to spark discussion about Canada's history. We here at Bonk's Mullet dot com have acquired information on other Canadian historical figures that were considered as mascots, but ultimately rejected. We'd like to present that information to you now.

Historical Figure: Emily Carr
Claim to fame: Artist known for her close association with the Group of Seven.
Reason rejected: Group of Seven also the name of a Cory Clouston line change.

Historical figure: Alexander Graham Bell
Claim to fame: Invented the first practical telephone.
Reason rejected: Is the namesake of the Bell Telephone Company, thus making him Erik Karlsson's mortal enemy.

Historical figure: Thomas D'arcy McGee
Claim to fame: Father of Confederation who was also Canada's first political assassination victim.
Reason rejected: Sure he got shot, but was it a quality shot?

Historical figure: Tommy Douglas
Claim to fame: First leader of the NDP, is considered the father of of Medicare
Reason rejected: Pascal Leclaire's medical bills lead to a recession this country is only just now recovering from.

Historical figure: Sandford Fleming
Claim to fame: Invented standard time.
Reason rejected: The Senators are trying to emphasize zone time, not time zones.

Historical figure: Marc Garneau
Claim to fame: Was the first Canadian in space.
Reason rejected: Canadians floating in space are pretty common when Jared Cowen's on the ice.

Historical figure: John Diefenbaker
Claim to fame: Appointed the first female cabinet minister, built a bunker in Carp, some other stuff.
Reason rejected: Putting a cool building in Ottawa's west end sounds like a pretty good idea, actually...

Historical figure: Laura Secord
Claim to fame: Warned British officers of an impending attack during the War of 1812. Also shares a name with an unrelated chocolate company.
Reason rejected: Appropriating a decades-old name for marketing purposes hits just a little too close to home.

Historical figure: John By
Claim to fame: Founder of Bytown, which later became Ottawa
Reason rejected: Was not the founder of Kanata.