It Could Be Worse: You Could be an Oilers Fan

Friday, October 17, 2014

by George Marshall (photos by Matty Go Sens)


In this column, I will attempt to give Sens fans solace by pointing out the unfortunate circumstances that befall hockey clubs not named the Ottawa Senators - because if there is one thing sports fans love doing, it’s finding flaws in other teams and exploiting them.

When the Sens are playing poorly, you can read this column and sigh with relief. When the Sens are playing well? I'm sorry. I don't understand the question.

I'll take assistant captains who shouldn't be on the powerplay for 1000, Alex.
In my first post, I want to take you back to the feeling you may have had after this year’s season opener. Remember that empty feeling of, "Here we go again?" Now imagine that feeling lasting for 8 years, but on top of that, you also live in Edmonton. Imagine if the Sens had still not made the playoffs since their cup finals appearance in '07, that they still won't make the playoffs for at least one more year, and on top of that, you also live in Edmonton. Another way of putting it: imagine you were an Oilers fan.

He's been known to change allegiances before
Edmonton's season opened with them honouring their 1984 Stanley Cup winning team, also known as the Oilers front office. Mark Messier was there telling everyone within earshot how great Rogers NHL Gamecentre by Rogers is, while Wayne Gretzky just stared at the C on Andrew Ference's jersey, trying not to laugh. You know your season is off to a bad start when 20 people in the crowd could form a better hockey team than the one on the ice.

The game was summed up with a former Leafs third liner scoring a hatrick on a former Leafs backup goaltender as part of a 5-2 victory for the Calgary Flames (I seem to have fallen into the journalistic trap of mentioning the Leafs in every hockey related post). Losing 5-2 is never a good thing but when it’s your biggest rival and fellow basement dweller it’s even worse.

Fans were so angry at their opening performance that one fan threw his or her Oilers hoodie on to the ice. By the end of the season, we expect their home games to go something like this:

Same old shit, different day.
Although the results on the ice seem to be the same as years past, there is one noticeable difference: If you were an Oiler at any time in the past 4 seasons (I’m sorry if you were) you may have noticed the cameras that followed you around as part of a reality show called "Oil Change." The title was supposed to be a reference to the new rise of the franchise, which is why it's particularly telling the show was canceled.

Imagine if the Sens had a reality show following them around last year. We would have certainly seen a lot of this, a lot of this, and we may have even seen some accidental nudity. This wouldn't surprise anyone; we see our defense getting undressed every night. Pretty soon they’ll have to start censoring that.

I was referring to on the ice, but this wouldn't surprise me either.
Defense seems to be Edmonton’s problem as well. They’ve lost 4 straight games out of the gate, allowing an average of 24 goals per game in the process [citation needed]. This has made them the talk of the league so far, even among former Ottawa Senator defencemen:


Some of the defensive lapses the Oilers are facing are not unlike those of the Sens, so let’s all be thankful this Canadian Thanksgiving (a little late) that we don’t play in the West. It could be worse.

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