Monday, March 31, 2014

Game Summary - Game 75: Senators vs. Hurricanes - Love? Well, Turris and Clarke

by Chet Sellers

 

Folks, if you don't get up for a Monday night game against the Hurricanes, you're not a hockey fan. What's on the line tonight for the Senators? Oh, I don't know, just the third of ten must-win games in a row! Will the new, no-pressure, risk-loving Senators show up again tonight? We know one of them won't - Jason Spezza is out with an "upper body" injury, and yeah, "upper body" is wack but you don't call out Spezza's back like that. Can call-up Jean-Gabriel Pageau replace him? Let's find out!

Photoshop Gameday Preview - Carolina @ Ottawa

by Steve On Sens


With time winding down on the troublesome 2013/14 Ottawa Senators season, the play of the Senators has all but cooled down. Realistically, the team couldn't have cooled down anymore. Scoring was an issue, defence was an issue, goaltending was an issue but hope was not an issue. With 3 out of 4 possible points in Florida and wins against the Chicago Blackhawks and Calgary Flames, there is a new sense of hope for this team. Can the Senators pass the struggling (understatement) Toronto Maple Leafs? Are playoffs a real possibility? Is the secret to success Cotton Eyed Joe? Will Cody Ceci be back? Will an unexpected Binghamton call-up leave us without a photoshop of the most pertinent news of the day? Let's take a peek at what's in store for tonight's game and find out!

The Chet Sellers and Luke Peristy Podcast - Episode 4

by Chet Sellers and Luke Peristy


How are Chet and Luke handling the Senators recent losing streak? Not well, it turns out - in this episode we pick a new team to cheer for in the playoffs and overthink Eric Gryba's duck calls business. Check it out!

You can subscribe to the podcast in iTunes here or by RSS here!

Friday, March 28, 2014

Game Summary - Game 73: Chicago (not the band) Comes to Canadian Tire Centre

By Luke Peristy


Rather than recap the same old narratives, let's try something different!

Pregame Speed Round

Bobby Ryan - No truth to the rumours that his sports hernia was caused by the crushing weight of expectations placed on him by Senators fans this season.

Craig Anderson - Is starting his first game since March 10th tonight. His wife just had their second child, so he's used to people crapping the bed right in front of him. Playing behind the Senators defense will be no change. #ShotsFired #TotsSired

Robin Lehner - Had a nice test drive with the starting goaltender spot, but didn't really do much with it other than scratch the paint going through the McDonald's drive-thru.

Ales Hemsky - Has a really fun name to say while doing a Sean Connery impression. "Alish Hemshky...Alish Hemshky..." 

Milan Michalek - Appears to be more durable this year, but not nearly as potent an offensive force. He must have traded in his Alfa Romeo knees for Toyota knees.

Stephane Da Costa - All Binghamton call-ups with a better points per game average than Stephane Da Costa step forward now NOT SO FAST, MIKE HOFFMAN.

Chris Phillips - Scratched due to general crappiness lingering injury.

Patrick Wiercioch - Starting on a defensive pairing with Cody Ceci. Will only be the third best Patrick in the game, unfortunately.

David Rundblad and Peter Regin - Not starting for Chicago. Ottawa cut those guys loose long ago, and with good reason. You think you're smarter than us, Chicago? You think you can just take our castoffs and turn them into stars? Well let me tell you, that only works with players named "Marian Hossa".

Kris Versteeg - Hasn't played for the Toronto Maple Leafs since 2011, but joy has yet to return to his eyes.

You don't know what this man has seen.

Brent Seabrook - Possibly the most successful "Brent" in all of human history.

Duncan Keith - Should open a bar in Chicago called "Drunken Keith's." It will likely be less successful than Johnny Oduya's brothel, however.

End of speed round. To the game!

Photoshop Gameday Preview - Chicago @ Ottawa

by Capital Gains


It's game day! The Chicago Blackhawks are in Ottawa to face the Sens tonight. Ottawa is looking to rebound back after their 3-2 shootout loss to the Florida Panthers. The last meeting between Chicago and Ottawa resulted in a 6-5 win for the Blackhawks. Since then, Chicago has acquired two former Sens, Peter Regin and David Runblad. Will that have an impact on tonight's game? Here are the story lines:

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Game Summary - Game 72: The Sens and Panthers make like Alexander Graham Bell and phone this one in

by Bonk's Mullet


Good morning/afternoon/evening/night Ottawa Senators fans! We're huge in Lithuania, so you can never be too careful about the timing of your greetings. So...Labas vakaras everyone!

The Senators were in Sunrise, Florida on Tuesday night (which I am assured is a real place, and not a Sandals resort) to take on the Sandals Panthers. It should be noted that the last time the Ottawa Senators allowed less than three goals in a game, the Panthers' current starting goalie was watching that game as the Canucks' back up goalie from the bench in a giant not-outdoor dome. Since their last meeting, the Panthers swapped out their goaltending tandem of Tim "Yard Sale" Thomas and Jacob Markstrom for Roberto Luongo and Dan Ellis, which has been a nice distraction from their likely 14th place finish in the East (laughs Bonk's Mullet, safely from his 12th place perch).

Matthew Kassian and Patrick Wiercioch draw into the lineup thanks to injuries to Mika Zibanejad's upper body and Paul MacLean's hubris.

And now what you've all been waiting for - no, not the end of the article - the game!

Photoshop Gameday Preview - Ottawa @ Florida

by Steve On Sens


After a solid win against the Tampa Bay Lightning last night, the Senators play the second half of a back to back tonight against the Florida Panthers. Seeing how the team normally performs in back to back games, tonight should be a sure win!

If your heart isn't beating fast while reading this game preview then you don't realize what's upon the 2013/14 Ottawa Senators. Playoffs. Only 9 points back of 8th place Toronto with 2 games in hand means that it's time for the Sens to get rollin'! Time to get steam rollin'!

Monday, March 24, 2014

Game Summary - Game 71: Sens Do a Thing in a Hockey Game. I Think it's Called "Winning"...?

By Luke Peristy


Hello, Internet.

Since we last talked, the Ottawa Senators lost another hockey game, and they also lost Bobby Ryan to injury, facilitating Mark Stone being called up from Binghamton. It's unknown how long Bobby Ryan will be out for, but if he's in Ottawa recovering and you're not going over to his house to cook him some meals, do his laundry, shovel his driveway, etc., you're not doing your duty as a Sens fan. (Hey, I can't do it! I don't live in Ottawa...)

Anyway, it looks like Mark Stone's going to play in Ryan's spot on the Turris line, so this looks like a great opportunity for him to raise his trade value so Bryan Murray can try to trade him to Buffalo for a 1st round pick in the off-season. 

In the nets, Robin Lehner goes up against his old nemesis Ben Bishop for the first time in four days giving this whole game a sort of "pointless sequel that's too soon" feel. What I'm saying is that this might be the Muppets: Most Wanted of hockey games. (Oh, get at me, Disney.) 

Anyway, let's see if Ottawa can recapture some of their former glory. To the game!

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Game Summary - Game #70 - Even The Disappointments Are Bigger In Texas

By: Broshenkz




1st Period

18:00 - Noted hockey rodent (but not of the Adnan variety) Antoine Rousell hits Milan Michalek over the boards with a big hit. While it may seem like Michalek was happy to have been dumped over the boards, he was actually just relieved that nobody was there to see it.

17:55 - Sportsnet reveals their highly anticipated "Keys To The Game". Apparently Ottawa needs to "build off momentum", which is really just a nice way of saying "don't f****** blow it this time".

17:00 - Jared Cowen tries to skate the puck out of the Sens' zone but loses control (multi-tasking is hard, folks), Nichushkin picks up the loose puck and feeds Benn who is stopped by a diving Lehner. If that saying of "he owes his goaltender a steak for bailing him out" holds, then Jared Cowen may need to get in contact with Chris Phillips and boyz over at Big Rig for an order of the world's largest steak.

16:33 - Colin Greening makes a pass across the ringette line to Karlsson, who one-times it past Lehtonen. 1-0 Ottawa.
3:16 - Jordie Benn puts Ottawa on the PP. Now, I know we like to joke around here at Bonks Mullet dot com, but let's take a moment to get serious. What the hell sort of name is "Jordie". I mean, that really is an awful name. I bet in the Dallas locker room even players with girl names like Valeri Nichushkin and Kari Lehtonen make fun of his name. Sens would hit the post on the PP.

2nd Period

12:00 - While on the PP, Jamie Benn gets an excellent chance in front off a rebound but is robbed by Lehner. The puck quickly moves the other way, and Ryan makes a stretch pass to Turris just as he jumps out of the box. Turris would hit the top corner of the post on the breakaway.

9:05 - Bobby Ryan takes the team's 4th minor penalty of the game. While it isn't always easy switching to a new team, Ryan proves to have found his groove in the Sens' system. This penalty would lead to Dean Brown discussing the team's penalty troubles, which should be expected from a team who gives the amount of ice-time that they do to guys like Zack Smith, Chris Neil and Jared Cowen.
6:07 – Benn (the crappy one) cross checks Turris in the side of his stomach and into the boards, leading a scrum and a MacArthur/Dillon “fight” (both were only given two minutes). Turris was able to play the next shift, although MacArthur would head to the room, but would eventually return. During the 4-on-4, Ryan gets hurt blocking a shot, and limps off the ice, although he would be fine as well. Just in case this season wasn’t frustrating enough, folks.

4:53 – After a scrambuuuuuuuuuuuuullll around the net, Cody Eakins pokes in a lose puck that Lehner thought he had. The Sens haven’t such a bad combination of gingers and bad defense since the Mike Commodore acquisition…yeesh!!!! 1-1 Ottawa

3rd Period

15:07 -  Lehner makes a save, but the Sens' defense falls apart, leading to a Trevor Daley goal to tie it up. The worst part of this play was Jared Cowen, who quite literally had no clue what he was doing on that play. He just stood there the entire time, clutching to the crossbar for support or something. 2-1 Dallas
14:12 - Dillon takes a high-sticking penalty on Ceci. Somehow Neil ends up "fighting" Ryan Garbutt (haha butt haha), and beating him pretty cleanly. Again, both were only given roughing minors.

13:02 - Benn (the good one) scores, with the assists going to Seguin and Benn (the crappy one). 3-1 Dallas.

12:32 - Eakins takes an interference penalty after getting tangled up with Bobby Ryan on a foot race heading to Ottawa's end. Bobby Ryan would fall and slam hard into the boards, and would stay down a bit before being helped off the ice.
0:38 - Sens pull the goalie, just in case they score one of those elusive "two point goals" to tie it up.

Closing Comments

This game stunk. Not that anything should be expected from them at this point, but the Sens have blown so many leads to crappy teams lately, and with no 1st round pick it was have really nice to see them win for once.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Game Summary - Game 69: You Won't Believe How Many Times Lightning Struck the Ott- *is dragged offstage*

By Luke Peristy


Folks, it is the ultimate dream of any NHL player to play for a Stanley Cup, but I'm sure the second best thing in his mind is to play for respect and pride. If you ask me, playing for respect and pride is right up there with playing for the love of the game, which is pretty convenient because that's kinda the point of the season the Ottawa Senators are at right now. Sure, some people may point out that the Senators have not been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, and these people would be technically correct (the best kind of correct). However, when you're talking about a team needing 22 out of 28 possible points to have a 58.5% chance of making the playoffs, you don't exactly need to be Daniel Alfredsson to pithily summarize the chances of there being playoff hockey in Ottawa this spring.

Still, the team must soldier on, and we the fans/bloggers must soldier right along with them. What's the worst that could happen? It's not like the Senators' 1st round pick is going to get any worse.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2013-2014 Ottawa Senators: Winning Can't Hurt.

Let's have some fun out there!

Photoshop Gameday Preview - Ottawa vs. Tampa

by Steve On Sens and Capital Gains


Well if you weren't depressed enough following losses to Colorado and Montreal and Nashville and New York, get ready for the return of Steve On Sens Photoshop Gameday Previews!

In this post, you won't find the depressing playoff chance stats. You won't find information detailing how Eugene Melnyk is associated with the mafia and you won't hear about Paul MacLean's poor usage of players. This game preview will be a bundle of fun featuring things that are only slightly less depressing such as Ben Bishop, Daniel Alfredsson and the fact that we don't even have a draft pick...Because what doesn't scream cheerful joy like 3 more years of awful hockey!? *huffs glue*

Entering tonight's game, we can't ignore the elephant in the room. Ben Bishop starts for the Tampa Bay Lightning while Cory Conacher plays for the Buffalo Sabres. Did Ottawa lose that trade? That's still yet to be determined....maybe our 4th round pick will turn into the next Brian Elliott!

At least little Cory was able to find a summer job.

Patrick Wiercioch is once again a healthy scratch tonight. According to MacLean, the defensive core is more "physical" with him out of the lineup. After hearing the news, Wiercioch deleted all but one song off his iPod, and he has began to listen to it on repeat.

"Lets get physical, physical. I wanna get physical..."

Steven Stamkos is coming into this game after scoring a hat trick in his last outing. The majority of people cheering for the Sens tonight hope that the defense will be able to keep Stamkos off the scoreboard tonight. There is only one person who secretly hopes that Stamkos gets another hat trick tonight.

The hats will be shipped to the Ukraine once the game is over.

There are many people that you could blame for the lack of the Sens success this year, but the truth is that every game was decided beforehand. Ottawa's season was just unlucky as they lost at the game of chance;

While this season (and game preview) has been rather smelly, remember that there's always the draft and we have a lot of cap space for free agents! ...well at least we're winning in the cost per point department! Let's end this season on a high note and beat the Lightning!

(Editor's Note: There are still 13 long 60 minute games left after this one)

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Four Great Reasons to See a Home Game in March: The Secret Emails

By Luke Peristy


Yesterday, the Senators sent their season ticket holders an email outlining why Ottawa's remaining home games are a great ticket to have, despite where the team may be in the "standings". Through our sources inside the Senators organization, we have obtained an email thread that outlines the process through which this email was drafted.

I think you'll agree that it provides a fascinating behind-the-scenes look at the day-to-day operations of the Ottawa Senators, and their marketing department in particular.

Note: All names and email addresses have been changed to protect the guilty/innocent.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Game Summary - Playoffs now firmly out of Range...r

by Bonk's Mullet


Come one, come all to watch the hottest ticket in town! The Senators' playoff drive has gone directly off a cliff, so you can understand why fans might be losing interest. "BUT NOT US!" says Bonk's Mullet to a thunderous crowd of literally dozens of readers, dressed in Spartan garb, plastic swords above their heads, helmets bobbling over their faces.

On Tuesday night, Ottawa played host to the New York Rangers, and boy did they put on a show*!

*a show akin to Everybody Loves Raymond

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Game Summary - Game 67: Avs @ Sens AKA Now is the Spring of Our Discontent

By Luke Peristy


Coming out of the Olympic break, the Ottawa Senators needed to put together a lot of wins in order to cement their place in The Eastern Conference Race for Eighth Place. In response, they were blown out at home by Detroit, lost listlessly to two of the worst teams in the Western Conference, went down 3-0 at home before scoring 3 goals in the 3rd period and losing in overtime, and went ahead 4-1 on the road before giving up 3 goals in the 3rd period and losing in overtime. Not satisfied with merely slipping into irrelevance like so many other NHL teams, the Senators have really been exploring the space outside the playoffs, coming up with new and inventive ways to fail to win. What would they come up with in this second-game-of-the-back-to-back afternoonish game? Let's find out!

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Game Summary - Game 66: Senators @ Canadiens - Joke Night

by Chet Sellers


Prologue

The phone rang.

"Chet, Mullet. Last-minute thing, yeah? I need you to take the game recap tonight. Brochenski's in jail."

"Man. Did he go to Canadian Tire again?"

"Yup. Anyway, thanks in advance. And maybe lay off all the meta stuff this time and just tell some jokes? Your page views are in the toilet lately. Besties!" I heard a click, and then a dial tone.

Pre-Game Thoughts

Hey folks, what's the difference between the Habs and the Senators?

a) A 2013 first-round playoff victory
b) An average of three inches and 30 pounds throughout the lineup
c) Fans who don't break the windows of Nissan Sentras on Peel St.
d) Nine points in the standings

Wait, I did that joke wrong. But it's too late, the game's starting! Let's go!

Photoshop Gameday Preview - Ottawa @ Montreal

by Capital Gains


It's game day! Do you remember those? After what seems like a second Olympic break, the Sens are in Montreal to take on the Habs ce soir. Ottawa's last game resulted in a 4-3 OT loss to the Nashville Predators. Since then, the Sens have had 4 days off to watch some movies, practice their pirate impersonations, and even showcase their hockey skills to the fans. Here are the story lines for tonight's game:

Monday, March 10, 2014

Game Summary - Game 65: Senators vs. Predators - #hemskysens

by Chet Sellers


Prologue

I didn’t need to check my phone to know it was the boss. I’d been waiting for this call.

“Chet, you haven’t done a recap in over a month. I need you to take the Predators game tonight.”

“Don’t wanna. Can’t make me.”

“You’re right, I can’t make you. But I can make sure your invitation to this summer’s Mullet n’ Mendes Blog Bromance BBQ Blowout gets lost in the mail.”

I exhaled loudly.

“We’re renting a 40-foot party barge,” he continued.

“Fine.”

“That’s the spirit. And get on it, because time is Mendes. Kiss you! Miss you!” Then the line went dead.

Pre-Game Narratives

Hey everybody! Remember the Ottawa Senators of, oh, the entire season up to last weekend? [everybody boos] Well, good news – after a hard western road trip that saw the team drop winnable games to Edmonton and Calgary only to regain their focus and stomp Winnipeg, the new Ottawa Senators have come back to town! [polite applause] These new Senators can’t lose – no really, they can’t, or they won’t make the playoffs as an 8th seed!

We’ll see tonight if the Senators can keep their momentum going against a struggling Nashville Predators team that likely won’t make the playoffs. There’s a lot to watch going into tonight’s game – how will the hometown crowd greet new forward Ales Hemsky? Can he continue his telepathic play with Jason Spezza and Mike Hoffman? Can a grown man still get lost in the deep, soulful blue depths of Mike Fisher’s eyes? Let’s find out!

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Photoshop Gameday Preview - Ottawa @ Winnipeg

by Capital Gains


It's game day! The Sens are in Winnipeg to take on the Jets this afternoon. Ottawa is coming into this game on a woeful two-game losing streak against the bottom-dwelling Alberta teams. The first loss came at the hands of Ales Hemsky and the Oilers, which was followed by Calgary beating Ales Hemsky and the Senators 4-1. Let's hope Manitoba is friendlier to the Senators.

With both teams pushing for playoff spots, and the game on national television, I'd expect nothing short of fireworks from this one (but those dollar store fireworks which refuse to go off until someone loses a hand).

Here are the story lines for today's match up:

Friday, March 7, 2014

The Chet Sellers and Luke Peristy Podcast - Episode 3

by Chet Sellers and Luke Peristy


It's our trade deadline mini-podcast! We bring you all the news you need to know - did you know Joe Corvo was waived? How will Chris Phillips spend the next two years? How many Czech puns can we make before you turn us off?

You can subscribe to the podcast in iTunes here or by RSS here!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Game Summary: Game 63 - Post-Deadline Hangover

by Bonk's Mullet


Happy trade deadline! The Ottawa Senators take on the Calgary Flames on Wednesday night in what feels like the team's 63rd straight must-win game. Make sure not to miss our photoshop preview! Speaking of the Flames, Bryan Murray's phone was burning up today! Here's how the last two days broke down for the Sens:

Photoshop Gameday Preview - Ottawa @ Calgary

by Kevin Lee and Steve On Sens


The Senators face off against the Calgary Flames in what should easily be he second win in Albe...wait...we didn't win against the Oilers? But we got Moulson and Stewart right? No? Hemsky? Okay. We'll settle for that. The Sens flipped a 3rd and 5th rounder for the 30 year-old winger.

The Senators also re-signed Chris Phillips to a two year deal at $2.5 million per year, and traded Binghamton forward Andre Petersson to the Anaheim Ducks for guaranteed superstar defenceman Alex Grant.

Let's take a peek at what's in store for tonight!

Game Summary - Game 62: Colin Greening's Current Team @ Colin Greening's Future Team

By Luke Peristy


It's trade season and everything is happening. First, Ottawa put Joe Corvo and Cory Conacher on waivers, a move that was met with garment-rending, hand-wringing, and other hyphenated words. Then the Canucks and Senators traded two AHL calibre players for each other. Then the Flyers traded for a player that advanced stats hate, but scouts love because the Flyers are a Shakespearean tragedy. Having finally gotten *looks up name from sheet of paper*  Patrick Mullen off the team payroll, the Canucks then traded Roberto Luongo hours later. That's right, there's a Canadian team making crazy trades and that team is not the Ottawa Senators. This seems like uncharted territory, but fear not, brave internet, for there is still tomorrow...

In the mean time, players are going to "play the game", specifically in Edmonton. There was a popular hockey phrase back in the 80's that went something like "If you want to be considered a contender in the NHL, you've got to be able to beat Edmonton in Edmonton." and folks, in a way, that phrase is just as true today as it was in the 1980's. If Ottawa wants to convince anyone that they're for real this season, they've got to take care of business in Edmonton tonight. It could be the difference between being 1 point out of a playoff spot and being 5 points out of a playoff spot...just like last week. The more things change, eh? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Let's see how the Senators got on.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

The 15 Types of Ottawa Senators Trades

By Luke Peristy


Well, spring is nearly here and the smell of trade speculation is in the air. Either that, or I stepped in something. *checks shoes* Nope, it's trade speculation.

Anyway, I thought I'd try to lend an insight into the future by examining the past. Just what is Ottawa keen to do over the next 48 hours? Well, here are some possibilities for the trades we might see.

Photoshop Gameday Preview- Ottawa @ Edmonton

by Capital Gains


It's game day! The Sens are in Edmonton to take on the Oilers tonight. Ottawa is coming into this game after beating the Canucks 4-2 in the Heritage Classic. This may be the last time we see some of the players in Senators uniforms, as some will possibly traded while others may leave to pursue their acting careers. Anything can happen. Here are the story lines for tonight's game:

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Ottawa Senators Off-Ice Power Rankings - March 2014

by Chet Sellers


Are you like me, folks? Did you spend most of February telling work you were sick, spending the day in your bathrobe and muttering about time zones? Or did you watch the Olympics?

In many ways, February was the ideal time to compile off-ice power rankings - the Senators played only six games in a month, leaving the players with almost three weeks to hit the beach, get engaged, and kill things, unless you were the most interesting man in the world, in which case you cycled around southern Russia, touching lives. But I know what you're asking; Chet, was any of this enough to displace Erik Condra from his two-month reign of terror at the top of the power rankings? Let's find out!

Heritage Classic Photoshop Gameday Preview - Ottawa @ Vancouver

by Steve On Sens


March 2nd is upon us and the 2014 Heritage Classic is finally here! After a hard-fought battle against Detroit on Thursday night resulted in a 6-1 loss, the Senators hit the road to Vancouver. I can confidently say that there has never been this much anticipation for a game of hockey played outdoors but also still indoors in the history of the NHL!

Thanks to corporate sponsors, the gang here at bonks mullet dot com was flown out to Vancouver to watch the action live. Rumours are suggesting that our corporate sponsor is Sun Media but we are denying those claims.
Peristy is the coolest.
To remember the simpler days of years past, Chris Neil and Chris Phillips headed out west being pulled by one of Eugene Melnyk's horses. Some expected the journey to take weeks give that Euge sent a horse named 'Random Useless Trotter'; Melnyk maintains, however, that the horse can trot around the largest parking lot in Eastern Ontario quicker than Erik Karlsson can break five very expensive sticks.That's fast!

There were no blue lines to worry about so it was full speed ahead for Jockey Neil!

Here in Canada, nothing says 'Heritage' quite like a lumberjack (ask the Ottawa REDBLACKS). Kyle Turris embraced the heritage this weekend in his native province of British Columbia! Turris also couldn't pass up the opportunity to take his famous dog Leo out for a nice walk. 

Laying the lumber like he's Johan Franzen.
Finally, a lot has changed since 1915, but even so, the Senators of today and 100 years ago have more in common than you think. Take a look! 

There were no sneaky cameras to record Murray's in-game reactions back in the day.

Thanks for reading and enjoy the game!
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