Game Summary: Game 60 - Hockey Returns to Ottawa! How Exciting!

By Luke Peristy

Welcome back to Bonk's Mullet Dot Com! Hope you all had a lovely Olympic break. I know we did. We are now well rested and ready to bring you the high quality and factual* game summaries that you've come to expect all the way to the end of the season**. It's a well known fact that giving bloggers time off during the Olympics will improve their performance afterwords***. 

Anyway, as fun as it was to watch a bunch of nationalistic fantasy teams play a single elimination hockey tournament over the period of two weeks, as the great philosopher Marshall Mathers once said, "We must all eventually snap back to reality.", and what a reality it is! I hope you enjoy media promoted narratives, because there are tons.

• Mike Hoffman, having proved his dominance of the man-child opposition in the AHL, has been called up to Ottawa where he's been put on a line with Mika Zibanejad and Bobby Ryan. His impressive AHL scoring pace combined with his quality linemates are making Hoffman the most hyped AHL call-up since the last guy Ottawa recalled from Binghamton. *Puts hand to earpiece* Wait, the last guy we called up was Da Costa? Ok, maybe most hyped since the guy before Da Costa. 

• Daniel Alfredsson is making his second professional return to The Birthplace of His Children. Alfie's first return to Ottawa was a time of reflection, appreciation, bitterness, and closure, like an episode of Maury, but with less "You are not the father" dancing. However, tonight's game is more important to the standings than our feelings. See my next point, which is...

• Ottawa remains mired in the middle of what I'm calling The Clusterf**k to the Last Playoff Spot The Race for Eighth Place. With a win tonight, Ottawa would move within one point of Detroit for the 2nd Wild Card spot, whereas they would fall five points back with a loss. That's how fast things move in today's NHL. In a mere 60 minutes, you could be just out of a playoff spot, or you could be pretty far out of a playoff spot. #Analysis

• Through it all, the spectre of the trade deadline looms large over the proceedings. Will Ottawa be buyers or sellers? Will they be adding a top 9 forward, or subtracting a Milan Michalek? Will they go all-in for a defenseman, or just let it ride with Jared Cowen? Do I even know how to properly use gambling metaphors, or am I just making it up as I go along? Only time will tell!

Robin Lehner gets the start tonight as Craig Anderson is attending to a family emergency. Anderson's wife is supposed to be undergoing a radical new medical procedure wherein she may lose up to nine pounds in a matter of hours. We wish the Anderson family all the best at this time.

To the game!

* - This is a lie.
** - This may also be a lie.
*** - Ok, we have an actual graph to back this one up. But you can't see it.

The Clapper Man Archives

By Kevin Lee

For the last decade, the legend of one man has been growing in Ottawa. Known only as "The Clapper Man," he stands permanently in one place, doing the only thing he knows how to do: applaud fervently for the Ottawa Senators.

There have been reported sightings of him back in the early 90's in the Civic Centre. Years later, more sightings were reported in the Palladium and Corel Centre. None of these sightings could be confirmed with visual evidence. Like Bigfoot, it seemed no actual proof of his actual existence would arise.

But unlike Bigfoot (maybe), this urban legend was proven to be real. Thanks to "the Internet" Sens fans were able to confirm that the Clapper Man does in fact exist. Various videos began to appear online showing him in his natural environment at Scotiabank Place and the Canadian Tire Centre.

He is reported to feed solely off of soggy popcorn and overpriced beer. He is thought to be a lower evolution of Max Keeping, although this too is unconfirmed.

As time passed, more info was obtained about the Clapper Man from reliable sources:

Clapping man is my dad's cousin! @BonksMullet @BringBackLee
— D (@derrickvanbrose) February 5, 2014

@BonksMullet @Jayzanski @BringBackLee his name is Ron and he is from Pembroke
— Doug Miller (@millerdk03) February 5, 2014

@BonksMullet @Jayzanski @BringBackLee he also coached me in atom. The same passion existed back then too
— Doug Miller (@millerdk03) February 5, 2014

We have managed to compile all confirmed sightings here in "The Clapper Man Archives." Behold:

5/5/2006 - Buffalo Sabres

The first known sighting of The Clapper Man. 

10/12/2009 - Pittsburgh Penguins

Note that The Clapper Man refuses to invest in the newer Reebok Sens jersey

1/26/2010 - New Jersey Devils

Also note the characteristic locked elbow technique.

4/18/2012 - New York Rangers

Short swift circles define his towel waving style. Also note the appearance of what is likely to be The Clapper Daughter.

2/7/2013 - Carolina Hurricanes

Note the coordination between the two men on at each end of the picture. Planned? Conspiracy? Probably.

5/8/2013 - Montreal Canadiens

Apparently clapping just doesn't cut it in the playoffs. *Towel wave*

12/9/2013 - Philadelphia Flyers

Note that this is the first sighting of the heritage jersey... and Bob Barker.

1/2/2014 - Winnipeg Jets

Here The Clapper Man throws in an uncharacteristic thumbs up.

1/16/2014 - Montreal Canadiens

United in Heritage?

1/30/2014 - Tampa Bay Lightning

A second appearance of a potential Clapper Daughter.

3/28/2014 - Chicago Blackhawks

We saw this Heritage Classic guy recently, the apprentice?

3/28/2014 - Chicago Blackhawks

Twice in one game!? A new record!

Unfortunately this report raises more questions than it answers: The man can be spotted to his left (camera right) in the Tampa and Winnipeg crowd, and what might be his daughter appears in two of the shots, but otherwise, he is normally seated next to different fans every game. What happened to those other people? Was The Clapper Man involved? Is his daughter an accomplice? Does he watch the play, or does he simply stand clapping, waiting for the camera to pan over to him when the team scores? Is his name really Ron? Does he even coach atom hockey?

If you discover any footage this is not included in our archive (especially any from the 90's) please send images, videos, or links to sensforlife11@hotmail.com or tweet me at @BringBackLee and we will add them to our archive. Thanks to HFBoards for pointing out some of the clips when they discovered him back in 2010.

Reunited in Sochi

by Capital Gains

The Olympic break has been an emotional rollercoaster for Senators fans. Erik Karlsson has proven he's the best defenseman in the world, and forward Milan Michalek has proven he can play hockey, but this exciting news has been offset by the photos Karlsson has been posting on his Twitter account. You can check out Karlsson's photos here, but we were able to get access to the ones that were kept private! Check it out!

The Chet Sellers and Luke Peristy Podcast - Episode 2

by Chet Sellers and Luke Peristy

It's episode 2! Why is Stephane Da Costa a shootout pro? Should Ray Emery come back to Ottawa? What did Colin Greening learn at Cornell? And why are Erik Karlsson and Daniel Alfredsson taking selfies and riding tiny bikes?

You can subscribe to the podcast in iTunes here or via RSS here!

Men's Olympic Hockey Preview: Top 6 Teams

by Steve On Sens

The 2014 Sochi Olympics are finally upon us! After months of waiting (see Marcel Aubut's speeches), training (see the quads of Martin St. Louis), and discussion (see every person in Canada after the roster announcement), the games are set to begin! Although the Olympics have been open for several days, I did not feel comfortable writing a preview for women's biathlon. Welcome to the Radek Bonk's Mullet Men's Olympic Hockey Preview (for the top six teams)!

Ottawa Senators Off-Ice Power Rankings - February 2014

by Chet Sellers

You know what they say - after April, January is one of the cruellest months. To their credit, the Senators managed to execute their core mandate - playing iced hockey - relatively successfully in January, posting a 7-2-3 record after a disastrous December that saw them duck social media so much we had to use this space to rank performances in their Christmas video. Were things any better in January? Let's find out!

Game Summary: Game 59 - Senators @ Bruins: [don't forget to put a clever title here when you're done]

by Chet Sellers

 

You know how it is. Last day of school, last class of the semester, last work day before a long holiday . . . it's easy to look past business at hand and start thinking about time off. We all take our eye off the ball sometimes.

Why am I mentioning this? Well, today's game against the Bruins is the last game the Senators will play for nearly three weeks, and sure, Erik Karlsson and Milan Michalek will be keeping busy in Sochi, but the rest of these guys have a date with the beach as soon as today's game is over. Can they keep their focus for just three more hours, and grind out a road win against a Boston team that's missing both Zdeno Chara and Tuukka Rask? Let's find out!

I'll tell you one thing, though - even if these so-called "professional" hockey players might start slacking off before a long vacation, your friends at bonksmullet.com are better than that. Get ready for the usual hard-hitting joke-making and attention to detail you've come to expect from our recaps, because we don't take games off. Let's do it!

Photoshop Gameday Preview- Ottawa @ Boston

by Capital Gains

It's game day! The Sens are in Boston to take on the Bruins this afternoon. Ottawa is coming into this game on a two-game winning streak after beating St. Louis on Tuesday and Buffalo on Thursday. This is the Senators' last game before a two week break for the Olympics, so we expect a big game out of them. Here are your story lines for this afternoon's game:

Real Sports is Decadent and Depraved

Written under duress by Luke Peristy

Avert your eyes, children!

It started when I texted The Apostles to say that G-Money and I were coming to visit. When Simon (who is called Peter) realized that the date of the trip fortuitously coincided with the Senators playing the Leafs in Toronto, he reserved us a table at Real Sports in Maple Leaf Square. The text came in: "There you go, boys. We have a table at the most popular sports bar in Toronto," and it was decided. Despite the faint aura of Doom that had suddenly settled over the trip, the opportunity was too good to pass up, and G-Money and I piled into the car, punched "Bat Out of Hell" into the stereo, and turned up the volume as we hit the 401 on-ramp. You know, to set the mood.

Ottawa vs. Buffalo - Photoshop Gameday Preview

by Steve On Sens and Capital Gains

Tonight, the Buffalo Sabres visit Canadian Tire Centre for the second and final time this season. In three previous games against the Sabres, Ottawa has gone 2-0-1. Although the Sabres have had little success this season, goaltender Ryan Miller has played exceptionally. This is in contrast with backup Jhonas Enroth who has looked like a backup goalie for the Buffalo Sabres.

It's hard to believe that only 7 years ago, these two teams battled for the Eastern Conference Championship. Since then, much has changed including:

• The departure of Joe Corvo
• The emergence of Martin Gerber
• The disappearance of Martin Gerber
• That game in 2010 when Leclaire made like a billion saves against Pittsburgh
• Kovalev moonwalking his way out of Ottawa
• Chris Phillips opened a bar
• Daug-Man's shootout
• The arrival of Joe Corvo

Although these events have drastically shaped who the Senators are today, many things are the same such as

• Chris Neil will try to fight someone
• Jason Spezza remains a lightning rod of criticism
• Chris Phillips also exists
• Bryan Murray is still working the phones
• Eugene Melnyk still wants Bryan Murray working the phones

Let's take a look at the story lines!

Game Summary - Game 57: Senators overcome Blues, refs, self-doubt in 5-4 SO win

By Luke Peristy

When we last spoke, I was just finishing being very optimistic following a comprehensive Ottawa Senators win over the Tampa Bay Lightning. Since that game, the Senators follow that performance up with two games in which their best players were Chris Neil, Stephane Da Costa, and Craig Anderson. The results in those games were commensurate with that fact. 

Tonight, Ottawa plays the 4th best team in the league the night after playing the 3rd best team in the league. What could go wrong? Nothing would surprise me any more. Robin Lehner posts a 93 save shutout and scores the game's only goal? Sounds about right. Paul Maclean reveals his new defensive strategy of just piling all 5 skaters across the goalmouth in the crease? He's a Jack Adams winning visionary. Ottawa chases Jaroslav Halak from the net and then lights up Brian Elliot so badly he gets traded back to Colorado? Classic Senators, amirite?! The Sens fail to show up and allow Robin Lehner to get lit up? Wouldn't be the first time.

I don't know what to expect any more. You win, Ottawa! You broke me. Let's see what pithy observations of questionable importance my faulty noggin can make about this athletic contest.

Game Summary: Game 56 - Losing is in Overtime is the Pitts

by Bonk's Mullet

Coming off a stupid, no good, ugly, dumb, gross game to the Toronto Maple Leafs, Ottawa was looking to rebound against Taylor Pyatt and the Pittsburgh Penguins. Given that the playoff race is so tight, earning even a point against the Penguins would be huge the the Sens. Calling it a playoff "race" is probably a stretch; it's more of a playoff slow-moving queue at the bank, but without the free coffee.

Do I know how to sell hockey or what?

Kassian was out, and Da Costa was in, but I can't imagine that having any real importance (Spoiler: It took 10 minutes for my prediction to be falsified). Mark Stone is still out with an injury and Joe Corvo is still out without a shirt.

MacLean elected to start Craig Anderson in goal, forgoing the obvious choice:

The Lehner, spraying water at the paparazzi from the Sun. #sens pic.twitter.com/gZ9zRmv7mS
— Don Brennan (@SunDoniB) February 3, 2014

Photoshop Gameday Preview- Ottawa @ Pittsburgh

by Capital Gains

It's game day! The Sens are in Pittsburgh to take on the Penguins tonight. Ottawa is coming into this game having just lost to the Leafs, 6-3. As many of you know, the much anticipated Superbowl was last night, and most of the Senators predicted that the Seahawks were going to win. Will the Seahawks victory have an effect on the game tonight? Did Matt Kassian eat everything at his Superbowl party? Here are you story lines:

Photoshop Gameday Preview - Ottawa @ Toronto

by Steve On Sens and Capital Gains

[Editor's note: We're doing our second Sens Money on the Board game of the season for tonight's game against the Leafs. And we have a real prize of actual value: Every donation of $40 or more enters you into a draw for a heritage classic Robin Lehner jersey. To make your pledge, use this form. Thanks!]

In two meetings this season, the Senators have fallen both times to the Toronto Maple Leafs in a shootout. Entering tonight's game, both teams have had stretches of success that have led them into (or just in sight) of a playoff spot. Tonight's game promises to be a good one! If you want a bit of backstory for tonight's game, check out Chet's "A Brief History of the Battle of Ontario". Let's take a peek at the story lines!