Game Summary - Game 41: Bruins @ Senators - Saturday Night's Alright for Lighting (Mups)

by Chet Sellers

Hey folks! Hope you've been having relaxing holidays so far; I ate so much fruitcake I had to have my stomach pumped, but I'm out of the woods now and ready to recap! You know who lives in the woods? Bears! Another word for bears? Bruins! It's all coming together!

That's right, the Senators are ready to end their holiday layoff tonight with a home game against the Bruins, and what we're all wondering is whether they'll be able to pick up where they left off after their last game, a 5-0 shutout against the Penguins! Hang on a second, folks, one of our RBM interns is handing me a note . . . seriously? The Sens and Bruins already played last night? And the Bruins won 5-0? Are you sure you don't mean the game we beat the Penguins 5-0? You don't. Huh.

Well folks, it looks like tonight's game is the second half of a back-to-back with the Bruins, and tonight the Senators are looking to keep last night's turd salad from becoming a full turd salad bar with all the fixin's. Will they do it? Let's find out!

Photoshop Gameday Preview- Ottawa @ Boston

by Capital Gains

It's game day! The Christmas break is over for the Senators and they're back in action tonight to take on the Boston Bruins. Can they keep their momentum after a 5-0 victory over the Penguins on Monday? Here are your story lines for tonight's game:

SensMotB - Dec. 23 vs. Pittsburgh: $2,250 raised!

by Bonk's Mullet

The 5-0 Sens win over the Pittsburgh Penguins was a great success for the team as well as the start of the 2013-2014 Sens Money on the Board campaign. The total pledge amount to the Sens Foundation was over $2,250. As far as I remember, that beats any single game from last season.

Here's what you need to do to make your donation:

1. Check your pledge: Find your total on this spreadsheet
2. Make your donation: Make your donation to the Sens Foundation with this form (scroll down to get to the form, ignoring the outdated info at the top)

Thanks a lot everyone! We'll have another #SensMotB game some time in late January.

Eric

A Senators Christmas Carol

by Chet Sellers

It was three days before Christmas, and I was in a foul mood. The Senators had dropped their third in a row, this time to the Phoenix Coyotes, and that night I decided I had finally had enough.

“I’m done with this team,” I muttered, as I brushed potato chips off my futon and tucked myself in. I glanced across my rented room at a Patrick Lalime jersey, draped on the back of a folding chair I’d stolen. “You’re not my pajamas anymore,” I said bitterly. “And you,” my voice rising now, as I pointed at a Jason Spezza poster covering cracks in the plaster, “there’s fewer holes in the wall than in your defensive game right now. Tomorrow you’re coming down, and then you’re gonna be captain of the garbage.”

And with that, I turned off the light.

Game Summary - Game 38: Coyotes vs. Senators - Game Pre-Cap

by Chet Sellers

Folks, we’re going to try something a little different this weekend. It’s Saturday, which means the Phoenix Coyotes are in town to face your Ottawa Senators. You might think, given that the Senators are coming off two disappointing losses to the Devils and the Panthers, and given that the Senators have been... what’s the word I’m looking for here... ah yes, terrible against the Western Conference this season, that no reasonable person would have much interest in watching this game.

But you’d be wrong! In fact, we RBM writers are all going to be at the game, drinking beers until we each run out of $20 bills! And after we’ve each had our one beer, we expect to be in no condition to write the kind of insightful, even-handed game recap you’ve come to demand from us. So instead, we’re going to write that recap before the game! What’s going to happen this afternoon, you ask? Let’s find out!

Game Summary: Game 36 - Ottawa has a Devil of a time in Jersey

by Bonk's Mullet

On Wednesday night, the Ottawa Senators looked to build on their impressive winning streak of one game. I'll defer to my Senators Extra Prediction Panel entry for my game preview, brought to you by New Jersey native Bruce Springsteen:

Baby this team lights the mups from your back
It's a Devils trap, it's the start of a back to back
We're gonna win 4 to 1
'Cause Sens like us, baby we were born to go on a two game run

Stay tuned to find out how wrong I was!

Marc Methot, previously out with the flu, was once again sat in favour of Monday night's winning defensive pairings. Methot apparently lost 7 pounds due to the illness. On TSN1200, Dean Brown suggested that Kyle Turris, Bobby Ryan, and possibly other Senators were suffering from flu-like symptoms.

I assure you that you, the reader, will also suffer from flu-like symptoms after reading this game summary.

1st Period

• Early in the game, Marek Zidlicky gets 2 for hooking on the Sens forward leading the rush. Hold on, let me check the replay to see who it was...................Erik Karlsson.
• On the power play, Corvo goes down to his knees to block a clearing attempt at the point. The puck skips past him giving the Devils a 2-on-1. Henrique dishes it to Stephen Gionta who slides it five hole as Lehner dives across the net. Corvo goes back down to his knees to beg MacLean to stay in the lineup. 1-0 Devils
• Erik Condra falls and his skate barely misses Gionta's face. Sources later confirm that Condra was in fact aiming for his face.
• Minutes later, Corvo drops down to the ice again, although this time because of a Michael Ryder slough foot. Ryder grabs the puck and leads an odd-man rush for the Devils up the ice. After a slapshot wide, Reid Boucher, famous for his role as an extra in Youngblood, picks up the bounce off the lively boards and tucks it into the empty net. Paul MacLean tucks in all but one finger as he protests the non-call. 2-0 Devils

2nd Period

• As the Devils skate the puck in on the power play, Pageau leaves his assignment on Jagr to take the puck carrier. If you're wondering how that worked out for him, Jagr passed Steve Yzerman on the all-time goal-scorers list. 3-0 Devils
• After Zajac is called for interference, Paul MacLean ices Greening-Zibanejad-Michalek on the power play. "That will never work" says every Sens fan ever as Colin Greening tips in a Zibanejad shot to make it 3-1 Devils. Emergency rooms are suddenly flooded with patients who claim to have eaten their hats.
• New Jersey plays with six skaters for a solid minute, forcing Erik Karlsson to take a hooking penalty. I wasn't previously aware you could play with too many men to goad the other team's star player into a penalty, but suddenly Cory Clouston seems like a genius.
• A joke is made on Cody Ceci being less than half of Brodeur's age. Cody Ceci is also younger than "half of Brodeur's age" jokes.
• Wiercioch takes a slapshot to the ribs, which is the biggest dent made to a rack of ribs since Guillaume Latendresse left the team.
• Cowen's stick is slashed out of his hands as Brunner hooks him and steals the puck. On the ensuing breakaway, he pulls the Forsberg on Robin Lehner. He celebrates as he looks back to the ref in disbelief. I don't need a joke here because the refs are enough of one.
• As the horn sounds to end the period, MacArthur shoves Volchenkov into the glass at the whistle, drawing a two minute penalty. MacArthur then goes after Volchenkov, who goads MacArthur into an instigator penalty. I've now used the word "goads" once for every six pack I've consumed trying to get through this game.

3rd Period

• Ottawa kills off the double minor as Marc Methot kills a Double Down in the press box. 
• Michalek splits the defense like a knee on a German operating table. He knifes the puck over Brodeur's glove to close the gap to 4-2 Devils.
• The Sens go to the "Timbits" defensive strategy as four Senators chase the Devils behind their own net. The puck is tossed out front to Goon extra Eric Gelinas who puts the game out of reach. 5-2 Devils

Closing Thoughts

Although the refs cost Ottawa two goals against, fans shouldn't lay the blame squarely on the officiating. After what was probably their best effort of the season against the Blues, the Sens were badly outplayed by the Devils. Not much more to say about this one other than the Sens better have something up their sleeve for the Panthers tomorrow night.
Now excuse me as I go tend to my flu-like symptoms.

Game Summary - Game 35: Ottawa plays the Blues, but fans leave happy

By Luke Peristy

Tonight, the Ottawa Senators play the St. Louis Blues, and in the greatest of all Ottawa traditions, much of the pregame discussion focused on goaltending. Paul MacLean decided to hand the conch back to Robin Lehner after Craig Anderson's glasses were shattered early in the game against the LA Kings on Saturday [citation needed]. MacLean was quoted as follows on the matter:

"We gave it a lot of discussion, actually, about who gives us the best opportunity. Throughout the discussion was a lot of stuff but it came down to we felt Robin would give us the best chance today." - Paul MacLean

I'm not entirely sure what falls under the realm of "a lot of stuff", but if that stuff included statistics like "save percentage" and "goals against average", it's probable that those two things may have been the deciding factors in the decision to start Lehner.

At the other end of the ice, noted necromancer Ken Hitchcock has performed some voodoo magic and is starting The Reanimated Corpse of Brian Elliott in the very goalie graveyard where he was thought to be buried. My sources are vague on the details of the occult ceremony that Hitchcock orchestrated, but there's been some discussion that "blood must be repaid with blood", and is it just me or has Craig Anderson been looking a little pale lately?

More on this story as it develops, but for now, on to the game!

Game Summary - Game 34: "Goodbye Mr. Anderson" - Kings smack the Sens 5-2

by Bonk's Mullet

Good evening Sens fans! It's Saturday in December, so it's time to light a fire, get some hot cocoa, gather in front of the TV with the family, and soak in a part of our proud Canadian heritage with Ron MacLean, Don Cherry, and the gang on Hockey Night in Canada at 7 PM.

Photoshop Battle - Eric Gryba fights Cody McCormick...sort of

by the Bonk's Mullet Staff

Earlier this evening, Eric Gryba tried to fight Cody McCormick. This was the result...

Woops pic.twitter.com/3aiuMgKhXJ
— James Gordon (@SensReporter) December 13, 2013

And like flies take to honey, or like Chris Neil takes to last-minute hooking penalties, Twitter's best answered with a plethora of photoshops. Here we go...

"Fatality" by our very own @Capital_Gains65

"Skrillex Mosh Pit" by @WhiteLeaf55

"Eric Gryba does not like snowball fights" by @Capital_Gains65

"Eric Gryba in the ring tonight" by @djempey

"Eric Gryba realizes he shouldn't have skimped on skydiving lessons" by @BonksMullet

"Gryba came in like a wrecking ball" by @Capital_Gains65

"Eric Gryba the Cossack dancer" by @tcote

"Eric Gryba hunting 'accident'" by @Capital_Gains65

"Eric Gryba's Neverending Story" by @WhiteLeaf55

"Eric Gryba changes hockey fights forever" by our very own @BringBackLee

"Isn't it almost Oscar season?" by @tcote

"Eric Gryba is not a fan of horses" by @Capital_Gains65

"Eric...I am your father." by @Capital_Gains65

"Mad #Pesky Men" by @Capital_Gains65

And your winner is...

"Eric Gryba can't figure out the Sens Flash Mob Dance." by @BringBackLee

Game Summary - Game 33: Ottawa coasts past Buffalo on the back of Anderson

By Luke Peristy

For the second straight game, the Ottawa Senators are facing the Buffalo Sabres. Unlike their last meeting, however, Ottawa will not be playing their second of back-to-back games, and they will be at home. These are two encouraging developments for a team that only just managed to eke out a shootout loss against the Sabres on Tuesday.

But we go now to our top story: following a hit to the head of Zemgus Girgensons, Jared Cowen was suspended for two games in a decision that many are hailing as a gross miscarriage healthy and problem-free delivery of justice (the mother, Brendan Shanahan, is resting peacefully). In addition, Marc Methot is out with a case of the flu that seems to have struck him suspiciously close to the North American premiere date of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. 

Ottawa's sudden loss of two defencemen has led to the emergency call-up of 2012 first-round draft pick Cody Ceci. Playoff hero and frequent Canadian Tire Centre crowd muse Jean-Gabriel Pageau has also been called up from Binghamton. Needless to say, Twitter has been all, uh, atwitter at this news. Even as I speak, a virtual army is readying itself to anoint Ceci a bust at the first sign of defensive deficiency, and also to proclaim that any problems with Pageau's play are due to his lack of quality linemates. It should be quite a show. Let's see what happens.

Photoshop Gameday Preview- Buffalo @ Ottawa

by Capital Gains

It's game day! The Senators are back in Ottawa to take on the Sabres again, trying to bounce back from their loss on Tuesday. Here are your story lines for tonight's game:

Game Summary - Game 32: Senators @ Sabres - Buffalo Down Dirty Shame

by Chet Sellers

One of the mantras Senators fans have repeated to themselves over the course of this disappointing season is, "We're not that bad. Buffalo is bad. We're not as bad as Buffalo." And it's true - Buffalo is bad, having collected a grand total of 14 points in 30 games so far this year. By statistical measures traditional or advanced, Buffalo's ineptitude has been historic. Buffalo is Islanders-in-the-90s-bad. Buffalo is expansion team-bad. I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure Buffalo's fourth line is made up of contest winners.

And yet. As the Senators begin a home-and-home series with the Sabres tonight, you might be looking at this week's schedule and saying, "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." And while you'd be casually exaggerating the monotony of back-to-back games against the lowly Sabres, you'd also be constructing a grammatically-correct sentence exploiting the use of homonyms and homophones. And in a way, you'd be obliquely commenting on the fact that, even though the Senators may look superior to the Sabres on paper, in the NHL any team can beat another on any given night. You'd be pointing out that, if the Senators are going to pick up the four points they need from the Sabres this week, they need to fight the complacency that follows a win just as much as they need to fight the Sabres. Very deep of you.

So let's get into it - can the Senators' momentum survive a flight to Buffalo? Can the team combat the conditions at the First Niagara Centre, where the ice is lit about as well as 1970s pornography? Can ex-Sabre Clarke MacArthur stay hotter than a Thai rattlesnake against his former team? Let's find out!

Game Summary - Game 31: Ottawa Beats Philly in Shootout, Restores Hope

By Luke Peristy

It's time.

We knew that after Ray Emery's girlfriend Keshia Chanté went after Robin Lehner on Twitter, it was only a matter of time until we got the goalie fight we all wanted. Well, that time is now. I, for one, have been buzzing with anticipation all day while I wait for Robin "The" Lehner to go toe-to-toe with "Razor" Ray Emer-...wait, what's that?

Sorry, I've just been informed that Ray Emery had a "passport issue" and won't be getting the start in Ottawa. Passport issues, of course, were one of Floyd "Money" Mayweather's many excuses to avoid fighting Manny Pacquiao, so I think we can all tell what's going on here.

In order to further reduce the threat of violence in tonight's game, Craig "The Pacifist" Anderson is starting for Ottawa. This is just like the time Paddy Ryan's rematch against John L. Sullivan for the 1886 Heavyweight Championship was bumped in favour of a pennyfarthing race between William "Big Wheels" McHutchison and J. P. "Crazy Legs" Rochester. I guess if you want to see fighting, you'll have to get it from the usual source: Matt Kassian. I can just imagine tomorrow's headlines.

Incredulous fan: "I went to a hockey game and a hockey game broke out!"

Ok, I think that pretty much exhausts all my fighting jokes. This will likely be the last time Ottawa plays Philadelphia this season, so join me while I recap tonight's game and try to use up the rest of my "Philly Cheesesteak" jokes.

Game Summary - Game 30: Leafs @ Sens or Guess Who's Coming To Dinner...

By Luke Peristy

Leafs fans: we all know them. They are everywhere. Some of them might be your friends. Some of them might be family. Even you might be a Leafs fan. (If you are a Leafs fan, say hi to "above-average goaltending" for me.)

Anyway, I've grown up around Leafs fans, and while I personally do not support the Leafs fan lifestyle, I've realized that you can't simply cut these people out of your life because you disagree with the choices they make. There's just too many of them.

In order to prove what a tolerant man I am, tonight I opened my home to Leafs fans. "Come watch the game on my 27-inch rear projection television!" went the invitation. "Bring your own beer. You can't have any of mine." it continued. I concluded: "All of you will be forced to sit on the crappy couch, like early 20th century peasants in steerage class on the Titanic. Don't touch anything; you'll make it dirty."

Unsurprisingly, several people responded to my generous offer. While I was slightly apprehensive about having so many unsavoury characters in my Fortress of SENSitivity (Ladies...), I knew that ultimately this experience would be an opportunity to achieve personal growth, and would certainly not lead to me flying into a rage and committing several grisly homicides .

The following is an account of my bold social experiment.

A Brief History of the Battle of Ontario

by Chet Sellers

If the Senators actually have a home game this Saturday night, it must mean the Leafs are in town. Tomorrow's game is an important divisional matchup the Senators need to win to stay within shouting distance of a playoff spot, but it's not likely to reach the levels of animosity the Senators and Leafs regularly exhibited during the Battle of Ontario.

What's the Battle of Ontario, you ask? Thanks for asking. The Battle of Ontario was a rivalry between the Senators and Leafs that either lasted from 2000-2004 (if you're a Leafs fan) or never actually ended (if you're a Sens fan). The Leafs always got the better of the Senators when the stakes were highest, but after almost a decade since these two teams last met in the playoffs, most of the drama in this rivalry has shifted from the ice to the stands, between Sens fans and Sens season ticket-holders who keep selling their tickets to Leafs fans.

As background for tomorrow night, then, let our audio recap above take you through the highs and lows of the Battle of Ontario as it actually happened. Enjoy!

Game Summary - Game 29: Senators @ Lightning - Going Back to Tampa

by Chet Sellers

Tampa. For as long as Ottawa has had a hockey team, Tampa has been its evil twin. Like Romulus and Remus, the Senators and Lightning were born out of the mists of expansion, raised at the teats of wolves, and eventually fell into a bitter dispute of cities destined to end in murder. Like any ancient tragedy, the story of Ottawa and Tampa is one of bloodshed, vengeance, and betrayal, with both sides lurching toward a senseless, unavoidable conclusion.

Tampa. The city so rough it makes Cartagena look like Calgary. The city so mean it turns even the most neighbourly disagreement into a vicious, generational blood feud. Few know that "Going Back to Cali", the Notorious B.I.G.'s ode to the East Coast-West Coast rap war, was originally called "Going Back to Tampa" until Sean Combs declared it "too raw for even the 90s."

The Tampa Bay Lightning enjoy a day off.

Tampa. Whisper it, like a terrible, secret prayer.

It's fitting that if the Senators are going to start turning their season around, they're going to have to start in the darkest, most forbidding place imaginable . . . Tampa. Against that grim backdrop, can the Senators beat the Lightning tonight and make it two in a row? Let's find out!

Ottawa Senators Off-Ice Power Rankings - December 2013

by Chet Sellers

 

After a boisterous off-season and start to the year, the Senators kept it pretty quiet on social media during the month of November. Why, you ask? Losing? I'd say losing. It's hard to justify posting a selfie next to a 72 oz. steak or soliciting opinions on paint swatches for next year's jet ski when you're not getting it done on the ice. One exception is a guy who's getting it done both on the ice and in life, a guy who's mostly-dormant Twitter account exploded this month. Of course I'm talking about our new #1 . . .

Game Summary - Senators Shine 4-2 over the Panthers

by Bonk's Mullet (with images from Kevin and Gains)

It's been a cold few months in Ottawa. After losing twice in a row to Vancouver and Detroit, negativity was running wild. Sens fans started to turn on their father figures, MacLean and Murray, as well as their star players in Karlsson, Spezza, and Anderson. So, Ottawa did what any family does when things get dire. "Honey, we're going to Florida!"

"La la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Photoshop Gameday Preview- Ottawa @ Florida

by Capital Gains

It's game day! The Ottawa Senators are in Miami to face the Florida Panthers tonight. Coming off an emotional loss to Daniel Alfredsson and the Detroit Red Wings on Sunday, Ottawa is looking to bounce back with a strong game against the Panthers. Here are your story lines for tonight's game:

Game Summary - Game 27: Red Wings vs. Senators - I'm Coming Home Again

by Bonk's Mullet and Chet Sellers

They say you can never go home again. Well, that's not technically true; you can go home again, but Robin Lehner lives there now and he refuses to turn on the furnace. Daniel Alfredsson may not be going home tonight, but he's going to the next closest place, the Canadian Tire Centre.

You've already read and seen plenty about what tonight does or doesn't mean, from Silver Seven Sens' excellent reassessment of Alfredsson's hagiography to other idiots expressing their anguish through the majesty of song. But despite everyone's search for answers, as game night approaches, we're only left with more questions - will anyone actually boo Daniel Alfredsson? Will the emotion surrounding this evening have any impact on the man himself? And most importantly, will the Senators be able to beat the Red Wings for a third time?

We've decided to summarize the game by putting a finger to the pulse of the Sens Army. Here's reaction to Alfie's return via the tweets of Sens fans.

Since U Been Gone - Daniel Alfredsson Edition

by Matt Mostrey and the Bonk's Mullet Staff

You never know how people will react in emotionally-stressful situations. In late October, on the occasion of the Senators' first matchup against the Detroit Red Wings and former captain Daniel Alfredsson, we expressed our conflicted emotions the only way that made sense to us - by posting a series of bad Kelly Clarkson parody lyrics on Twitter. That prompted the following offer from musician and Twitter power-user @infiascomatt:

@chet_sellers @BonksMullet if you guys write a since u been gone Alfie song I'll record it. no joke.
- Matthew Mostrey (@infiascomatt) October 23, 2013

How could we say no to that? The words came quickly, like in our hearts they had always been there. Once Matt recorded it, we knew we had something special, and today, as Ottawa prepares for the return of Daniel Alfredsson, we share it with you. Alfredsson may be gone, but like the song says, now we get what we want.

As long as what we want is a hockey team with a losing record. Enjoy!

*We wrote these lyrics a while ago.

Tweets of the Week - Week 7

by the Bonk's Mullet Staff

Folks, we've got good news and bad news for you today. The bad news is that we're all going to the Sens-Canucks game tonight, so for the first time this season there will be no recap this evening. The good news is that we're not leaving you hanging - instead, we've collected some things we already wrote and put it together with content scraped from other people! It's the tweets of the week!

Game Summary - Game 25: Senators @ Capitals - Meet the Washington Capitals

by Chet Sellers

We like to have fun here at bonksmullet.com, but sometimes we forget the real objective of this site - education. Take tonight's game against the Washington Capitals, for example - we could make "jokes", and try to be "funny", but would you end up learning any more about the Capitals that way? How much do you know about the Capitals, anyway? Can you name any of their players other than Ovechkin? Do you know which division they're playing in this year? Did you know they used to be called the Bullets?

Didn't think so. We're going to use the rest of this recap to introduce you to a number of Washington Capitals players who figured into tonight's outcome against the Senators. Which ones, you ask? Let's find out!

Designs Considered for the Ottawa Senators Heritage Classic Jersey

by the Bonk's Mullet Staff

Lost in the madness of Rogers buying the rights to broadcast every hockey game for the rest of time is the fact that the Senators are primed to unveil their latest "Heritage" jersey in preparation for the 2014 "Heritage" "Classic" in "Vancouver". The jersey is expected to be a white-ish version of the current heritage jersey...

...which is itself a throwback to the first franchise's uniforms of the early 20th century:

Is this the appropriate heritage to be celebrating, though? Webster's dictionary defines heritage as "the traditions, achievements, beliefs, etc., that are part of the history of a group or nation." The truth is, no matter how many banners the modern-day Senators hang, theirs is a history that's a little more than twenty years old, not one that's over a hundred.

But why fret about it? There's still a lot of heritage to celebrate in the Senators' last twenty years. Come with us as we show you some potential heritage jersey designs, all inspired by the proud history of YOUR Ottawa Senators!

Game Summary: Game 24 - Senators and Hurricanes do sports and it was bad

by Bonk's Mullet

Coming off a big win on Hockey Night in Canada against a division rival in Detroit, Sunday's 5 PM start against the Metropolitan Hurricanes had all the makings of a turd burger. Grab your ketchup, because boy, did it deliver!

Robin Lehner was given the start despite having played last night, but you can't blame MacLean for going with the hot goaltender/bull wrangler.

Surely the return of Joe Corvo to Carolina for the nth time should have been one of the major storylines tonight, but he was not dressed for the evening, although I'm sure the return to the Carolina press box was equally emotional for Joseph.

Game Summary - Game 23: Senators @ Red Wings - 5-on-3 Night

by Chet Sellers

Folks, ordinarily it's not too hard to find a storyline for a Senators game, no matter who the opponent is. Leafs or Habs? Easy. Bruins, Penguins, Sabres, Flyers? There's a rivalry there. Devils, Capitals, Rangers? Hey, we met in the playoffs. Lightning? Expansion draft buddies!

But I'll tell you, I'm really struggling with an angle on this Red Wings game. I'm looking at the lineup they're icing tonight, and yeah, they've got some good players - Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Kronwall - but nobody who's got any real history with the Senators. Is it because they've played in the Western Conference for so many years that it's so hard to make a connection here? I mean, is there any reason why Senators fans should get worked up about playing the Red Wings?

Apparently they're giving out this bobblehead tonight, but I'll be honest - I don't even recognize who this is.

Eh, why bother overthinking these things? Two teams with no real history, rivalry, or reason for animosity face each other tonight, and maybe tonight's the night the Senators end their recent losing streak. Let's find out?

Game Summary: Game 22 - Sens Lose to Wild, Heatley Scores, Hockey is Dumb

By Luke Peristy

Tonight's hockey game in Ottawa featured a team on the second night of back-to-back games fresh off a humiliating away loss to a team that made Danny Briere rich. What you might not expect is that the team I'm referring to happens to be the Minnesota Wild. Indeed, if you thought Ottawa's 5-2 loss to the Flyers was depressing, you should have seen Minnesota's 6-2 loss to Montreal. Things were so bad for the Wild last night, they had to put in little known backup Darcy Kuemper. Kuemper is an NHL rookie, but his main claim to fame is that his face looks like a mashup of Dustin Brown and comedian Anthony Jeselnik. Leaving aside Kuemper's resemblance to an insulting pest who makes people laugh and Anthony Jeselnik, Kuemper's presence in last night's game gave Josh Harding half the night off. As such, Minnesota started somewhat rested Harding while Ottawa countered with starter goalie who should be the backup starter(?) Craig Anderson.

Minnesota also dressed two Senators super-villains in Dany Heatley and Matt Cooke. Heatley, of course, is hated by Sens fans due to his much publicized trade request and subsequent hamstringing of Bryan Murray. Cooke, meanwhile, is hated by everyone everywhere due to his much publicized being a terrible person and subsequent Achilles tendon-ing of Erik Karlsson last season. Which player would more feel the wrath of thousands of angry Sens fans and possibly as many empty seats? Let's find out.

Weekly Sens Tweets of the Week - Week 6th Week

by the Bonk's Mullet Staff

It may seem like a strange decision to post a "tweets of the week" post on a Wednesday, but it feels appropriate given how strange a week it was for the Ottawa Senators. First, a 5-0 loss to the struggling Flyers, followed by an impressive comeback win to Boston, followed by two straight games of hockey pants defecation.

Warning: Most of these tweets involve pain and suffering.

Philly

potvin's commentary goes from good to great when you picture him sitting at a piano
- Chet Sellers (@chet_sellers) November 13, 2013

DOUG MACLEAN: michaelchuk is just invisible out there. spezza is struggling but he needs maplechick to help him out. where is marblechest
— Chet Sellers (@chet_sellers) November 13, 2013

#Sens fans need to relax, it was just another complete breakdown of the entire system.
— Tariq Anwar (@TariqAnwar00) November 13, 2013

#MacLeaning pic.twitter.com/sj03omRpha
— Mike (@gosensgo101) November 13, 2013

Baaahston

If 28 is starting over 22 for ~tuffness~ vs. BOS then that's like Mr.Burns pinch hitting Homer for Darryl Strawberry to get the L/R match-up
— Brochenski (@Brochenski) November 15, 2013

Maclean needs to walk into the dressing room and give each player a high five...except Cory Conacher. Message sending time #Sens
— bRian (@brian5or6) November 15, 2013

Sens vs. Bruins drinking game pic.twitter.com/s1Ndah5eBw
— Steph (@PuckPossessed) November 15, 2013

"One's a bruising forward, the other is a sniper with dodgy knees. Only one can win. 'Milan of the House' premieres tonight on Sportsnet."
- Luke Peristy (@LukePeristy) November 15, 2013

Strongest Sens zone entry that period was when the camera caught Greening picking his nose *rimshot*
- Brochenski (@Brochenski) November 16, 2013

@MelnykEugene pic.twitter.com/lKe2zyajw7
- ⓢⓒⓞⓣⓣ (@Wham_City) November 16, 2013

My bro just chirped the whole Bruins team in the market. I've never been prouder. #Sens
— Joanna Rozanski (@Jayzanski) November 16, 2013

@SensReporter I just hope Seidenberg's elbow is ok. Scary.
— Steve Lloyd (@TSNSteveLloyd) November 16, 2013

Lumbus

BOB ROSSKY! pic.twitter.com/6DXXEVfHsq
— Bonk's Mullet (@BonksMullet) November 17, 2013

WTYKY Poll: Will you still cheer for the Senators when they relocate?
— штчкч (@wtyky) November 17, 2013

I feel ya, Gamecenter. I feel ya. pic.twitter.com/rzUB2wwa6F
— Bonk's Mullet (@BonksMullet) November 17, 2013

Philly II: Return to Philly

@BonksMullet Wanna see my Clod Jerou jersey?
— Cedric Richards (@CedricRichards) November 20, 2013

. @BonksMullet "not yet bro, I'm winning" pic.twitter.com/5SrVUmw2zZ
— Denis Zgonjanin (@deniszgonjanin) November 20, 2013

My tears are currently under review by everybody around me
— Brochenski (@Brochenski) November 20, 2013

#Sens vs. Flyers game summary in drawing pic.twitter.com/MjVlnTVLCz
— Steph (@PuckPossessed) November 20, 2013

No YOU'RE still crying over a stupid hockey game
— Brochenski (@Brochenski) November 20, 2013

Misc.

J'ai Keshia Chanté Tu as Keshia Chanté Il/Elle a Keshia Chanté Nous avons Keshia Chanté Vous avez Keshia Chanté Ils/Elles ont Keshia Chanté
— Bonk's Mullet (@BonksMullet) November 14, 2013

@chet_sellers What? These? We know how hockey ACTUALLY is at IceJerseys. We learned it. #Sens pic.twitter.com/CueBJv4d0B
- IceJerseys.com (@IceJerseys) November 14, 2013

.@KeshiaChante http://t.co/GTdzsKTgLx
- Capital Gains (@Capital_Gains65) November 14, 2013

"No change. Just give me 'The Bettman' again." - Jacques Martin at the hairdressers
— Luke Peristy (@LukePeristy) November 18, 2013

Havlat? I'd rather Havlatendresse.
— Darren McLeod (@Darren_McLeod) November 19, 2013

Invitation said formal. Lehner dresses how he wants. #LehnerFacts pic.twitter.com/dbnaQiI2b0
— Capital Gains (@Capital_Gains65) November 15, 2013

"Can any among you identify the mascot called Spartacat?" "I'm Spartacat!" "I Spartacat!" "I'm Spartacat!" - At the Sports Mascot Convention
— Luke Peristy (@LukePeristy) November 18, 2013

honey, if you can't handle me at my kassian, you don't deserve me at my karlsson. now help me flip off this guy in the corolla
— Chet Sellers (@chet_sellers) November 18, 2013

Havlat will waive his NTC to come to Ottawa. Arrives in town and hands Bryan Murray medical file. "I hear you're good at rebuilds. Fix me."
— The 6th Sens (@6thSens) November 19, 2013 

If you've gotten this far, you're probably quite the #socialmedia fan, in which case you should follow Bonk's Mullet on Facebook. Get your favourite articles squished in between Buzzfeed listicles and your old friend from high school's new baby and or puppy and or lunch.

Game Summary: Game 21 - Senators @ Flyers - More Like FRAUD Street Bullies

by Chet Sellers

Nobody knows anything. Exactly one week ago, the Senators, riding a three-game win streak, faced the struggling Philadelphia Flyers only to fall completely flat and lose 5-0. All of the pre-game storylines I tried to gin up about a desperate Flyers team getting violent with the Senators in the usual way fell equally flat, as the Flyers controlled the game from start to finish and the most severe harm to a member of the Senators occurred when Paul MacLean broke his glasses.

Paul MacLean struggles without his glasses as most Ottawa sports media members appear as shapeless blobs.

Nobody knows anything. Since their loss to the Flyers, the Senators played one of their best games of the year in a 4-2 win over Boston, only to turn around and drop a winnable game to Columbus. Which version of the Senators shows up tonight in Philadelphia is anybody's guess. Why Robin Lehner has finally been released but Patrick Wiercioch continues to languish in the press box is anybody's guess. Whether Keshia Chanté will be sitting behind the visitor's bench hurling D batteries is anybody's guess. So let's not guess - let's see what happens!

Photoshop Game Day Preview- Ottawa @ Philadelphia

by Capital Gains and Bonk's Mullet

It's game day! The Ottawa Senators are in Philadelphia to take on the Flyers tonight. The Sens are looking to rebound back from a 4-1 loss against Bob Rossky and the Blue Jackets. Here are your big story lines for tonight's game:

Game Summary: Game 20 - Ottawa loses 4-1 to Bob Rossky

by Bonk's Mullet Bob Rossky

Why hello there my pretty little readers. If you're new to the program, I'm Bob Rossky, the number one painter on the force.

How nice of you to join us. It's truly a pleasure for you to let me into your homes today. I'm sure you're familiar with my work as the creator and host of The Joy of Painting as well as some of my more recent work. Let's open our minds up and dive into our own happy little world of hockey.

Photoshop Game Day Preview- Columbus @ Ottawa

by Capital Gains

Following a 4-2 win against the Boston Bruins, the Senators are looking to build on their success against the Columbus Blue Jackets. This game will mark the first time Nick Foligno suits up against his former team - but that's not the only storyline you should follow this afternoon!

Game Summary - Game 19: Senators Secondary Scoring Spurs Success Over Boston

By Luke Peristy

Remember this past Tuesday afternoon?

I do.

It was a time filled with hope, and promise, and the opportunity for the Ottawa Senators to extend their winning streak to four games against a struggling Philadelphia Flyers team. Then the game happened. Hope turned to sorrow, frustrations were expressed, and everyone agreed to never again talk about what they had seen.

Following that atrocity, the Senators had three days off to think about what they'd done. Word out of practice was that the team spent a lot of time practicing breakouts in preparation for tonight's game against the Boston Bruins. This is good, because Boston is exactly the sort of robotic and positionally-sound hockey team that feasts on puck movement that is, uh, how shall I put this..."too Cowen-y".

Boston plays a style of hockey that Stalin would be proud of, which is to say that it's cold, heartless, and brutal in its effectiveness. From their ruthless efficiency on the ice to their utter lack of controversy off of it, the Bruins are hockey's version of the T-1000. In fact, it's become clear Peter Chiarelli will trade you simply for having too much personality. How much personality is too much, you ask? The answer, impossibly, is "Phil Kessel". Poor Tyler Seguin never had a chance.

So, how did Ottawa's team of interesting individuals stack up against Boston's Corsi Killbots? Let's find out.

Photoshop Game Day Preview: Boston @ Ottawa

by Kevin Lee

Coming off a severe beating by Keshia Chanté the Philadelphia Flyers, the Ottawa Senators look to rebound against the Eastern Conference champion Boston Bruins, a team they've struggled to beat over the past few seasons. This is a big test for the Sens, and we've got the story lines you should look out for:

Robin Lehner vs. Keshia Chanté

by the Bonk's Mullet Staff

The internet is a powerful tool that allows us to do incredible things. It allows family members on opposite sides of the world to communicate instantly, it can facilitate political uprising against oppressive governments, and it can aid with disaster relief.

But the best part of the internet, by far, is its ability to publicly broadcast questionable and regrettable decision-making in real time. Today we bore witness to one of these great moments, courtesy of Keshia Chanté. Wait, who?

Game Summary - Game 18: Senators vs. Flyers - Orange is the New . . . Crap

by Chet Sellers

I don't know what it is about the Flyers, man. I don't know if it's their aggressive, hunting-jacket orange uniforms, their rich tradition of goonery, or their amoral, sociopathic fanbase that seems to confuse hockey with blood sacrifice, but there's something about playing the Flyers that just seems to get the Ottawa Senators all riled up.

There's the 2004 brawl, obviously, in which Jason Spezza's team-record 35 penalty minutes finally closed the door on his baby modelling career for good, and more recently, this royal rumble from 2011. Heck, even last year, this happened:


Harry Zolniercyk concusses Mike Lundin. Peter Regin was uninjured on the play.

 And then later that game, this happened:



So I guess you could say Flyers games tend to get a little chippy. The other thing that could spur a physical game from the Flyers is the fact that the Flyers are terrible, and they and their struggling captain Claude Giroux are under a lot of pressure to turn things around. Will they get tough and look to capitalize against a Senators team for whom cockiness might be setting in during an undefeated homestand? Not if this guy has anything to say about it:

"Oh Andy, you came and you stopped them from scoring, and this doesn't quite rhyme, I'm sorry."

Look, I love Robin Lehner. I'm Member #1 of the unofficial Robin Lehner fan club I started (cards should be back from the printer any day now). He's not the most experienced goalie on the team, but he's probably the most skilled. But you know who should be fired up by that? Craig F. Anderson, that's who. There's nothing like a little competition to drive both to dizzying new heights of excellence. So after a week of all this Lehner talk, is Andy ready to come out and have the game of his life? And how many fights will there be tonight? Let's find out!

Sens Tweets of the Week: Week 5

by the Bonk's Mullet Staff 

Here are all of your previous Tweets of the Week.

Week 5 was a complete 180 degree turn for the Ottawa Senators. After an ugly three straight losses in week 4, the team crawled back up the standings with three straight victories and now sits just 1 point outside a wildcard playoff spot, or at least that's how we think the playoffs work. Here are some jokes people told on the internet this week:

Photoshop Game Day Preview: Philadelphia @ Ottawa

by Capital Gains

Editor's Note: Please welcome Capital Gains as the 5th official member of the BonksMullet.com crew. Gains was scooped up as an official member thanks to his Halloween guest post, and consistently hilarious Photoshop jobs and comics. 

It's game day! The Philadelphia Flyers are in town, which means that Ray Emery has once again returned to the nation's capital. Make sure to wear your seatbelt while driving to the game! Here's the Senators Extra prediction panel (featuring Bonk's Mullet) with their predictions for tonight's match, and here are your big story lines:

Ottawa Senators Halloween Power Rankings - November 2013

by Chet Sellers

What's this? BONUS power rankings? In the second week of November? About Halloween costumes?

Hey man, I don't control when the Senators have their Halloween party. I only control when we get to rank things, which in this case is immediately after the Senators' Halloween party. And as a change of pace, this week we're counting 'em down! Let's go!

Game Summary: Sens beat Tim Thomas and the Panthers in only 2 minutes

by Bonk's Mullet

A quick glance at Luke Peristy's Eight Types of Ottawa Senators Home Games tells us that Saturday afternoon's tilt against the Florida Panthers qualifies as a...*scans page*... "The American team absolutely no one cares about or will ever care about game!" Fantastic! Let's see how this one panned out.

The Eight Types of Ottawa Senators Home Games

By Luke Peristy

I'm a guy who likes to keep his ear to the ground where the Ottawa Senators are concerned, and lately I've been hearing things like, "Ottawa Senators games: 'plenty of good seats available!'" and "Ottawa Senators games: 185 days since we last broke the Noise-o-Meter!" and "Ottawa Senators games: We might win now that we're not playing the Western Conference. Seriously!"

Now, Ottawa is a lovely city full of lovely people, but they have a reputation of being rather unadventurous. I was ruminating on this and I had a thought: people might be more willing to go to games if they knew exactly what they were in for. In this spirit, I've created this handy guide I'm calling, The Eight Types of Ottawa Senators Home Games. Read on and I'll help you decide which Ottawa Senators Experience is right for you!

Game Summary by Robin Lehner: Robin Lehner beats Montreal #LehnerFacts

by Bonk's Mullet Robin Lehner

Hello little persons. I have taken over Bonk blog for tonight. This will teach them lesson for having the same password as me, "Lehnerbestalways." I will summarize the game now.

This is warm up face. Thanks to @haveasnack for photo. I will snack on my enemies for you.

Photoshop Game Day Preview - Montreal returns to Ottawa

By Kevin Lee

Thursday's game marks the first time the Ottawa Senators and Montreal Canadiens will meet since the playoff massacre last season. Given the smattering of events that occurred during the memorable series, there are plenty of narratives coming into tonight's all-important-must-win-four-point-game. Here's a preview of some of the biggest story lines to watch out for.

Game Summary - Game 15: Senators vs. Blue Jackets - Lehner vs. Lumbus

by Chet Sellers

Folks, if you're like me, the thing you probably missed the most during last year's lockout-shortened season was a Tuesday night date in Columbus. When I think of rivalry in the National Hockey League, when I think of tradition, I think of the 5-4-2 all-time series between the Senators and the Blue Jackets. And when I think about how that rivalry can blossom now that the Blue Jackets have moved to the Eastern Conference, I'm not going to lie to you - I get excited.


Who can forget this moment?

Tonight we watch two proud, historic NHL franchises renew a long-standing blood feud. The storylines are endless - how will Marc Methot be welcomed back to the city that drafted him? Does Nick Foligno take revenge against his old team by running Robin Lehner? Oh, Foligno isn't playing? Well, what's Nikita Filatov up to, anyway? Is Pascale Leclaire still hurt?

More importantly, this game against the 5-8-0 Blue Jackets, one of those struggling Metropolitan division teams you've been hearing about, marks the first of three winnable games for the Senators this week. If the Senators are going to start climbing back into playoff position, they're going to to do it on the broad, horse-like shoulders of Robin Lehner, who will be the starter at least until Craig Anderson recovers from Sunday's scary collision with Valeri KNEE-chushkin (see what I did there? It feels good to laugh).

If Lehner's solid in net, and the team comes out with the momentum they were showing near the end of Sunday's game against the Stars, will this be the Tuesday night in Columbus everyone remembers as the one that turned the Senators' season around? Let's find out!

Sens Tweets of the Week: Week 4

by the Bonk's Mullet staff

It was an ugly week for the Senators. The team blew two goal leads two games in a row, and capped the week off with a comeback that resulted only in a shootout loss and the loss of their starting goaltender to injury.

I'll let this fan in the white jersey sum up how fans feel right about now:

But keep your chin up Sens fans. We still have self-deprecating humour! Here are your Sens tweets of the week!

Ottawa Senators Off-Ice Power Rankings - November 2013

by Chet Sellers

It's November! And that means that, after months of compiling off-season power rankings, we got to watch the Senators play actual hockey during the month of October! And they were terrible!

We could spend hours discussing what went wrong for the Senators this past month. Instead, let's spend the next five minutes discussing what went right - the selfies, the zingers, the fashion choices, and everything else that doesn't show up in fancy stats. Let's do it!

Game Summary - Game 14: When you wish upon a shootout loss to the Stars

by Bonk's Mullet

Sunday's game against the Stars was a microcosm of the entire Ottawa Senators season so far. The game featured an awkward 1 PM start, the return of an aging ex-teammate, an early two goal deficit, a potent offense counterbalanced by impotent defense, and a solid goaltending performance wasted on account of being outshot by a Western conference opponent. Oh, and don't forget a loser point!

Here is the summary of Sunday's 4-3 shootout loss to the Stars.

Game Summary - Game 13: Islanders vs. Senators - Dream of Kanatransmutation

by Chet Sellers

Folks, my Word-of-the-Day calendar says today is November 1, which means it's time to "transmute" (verb; "change in form, nature, or substance") the page on a fairly dismal October for the Ottawa Senators. Tonight we bid adieu to Western Conference powerhouses and begin a long stretch of games against mostly-unimpressive Eastern Conference teams, starting with the New York Islanders.

Like Ottawa, the Islanders have a losing record so far this year; unlike Ottawa, they've already started to shake things up, recently trading Matt Moulson to hockey gulag Buffalo for winger Tomas Vanek. The Senators, meanwhile, will shake things up by starting the game with the Halloween franken-lines from yesterday's practice. That means Jason Spezza is either a third-line centre or Chris Neil is a first-line winger, but hey, stranger pairings have worked before.

Will the shake-up work? Can the Senators capitalize at home against a middling Islanders squad and turn their fortunes around in what already feels like a must-win game? Is tonight the night they begin to transmute October's failure into November's success? Let's find out!

The Bonk's Mullet Advanced Stats Series - Part 2

By Luke Peristy

Depending on where you like to get your hockey news from, it's possible you may have heard of newfangled hockey stats like "Corsi" and "Fenwick". While these terms sound like the names of characters from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Glendale City Council, it turns out that Corsi and Fenwick are actual people! In fact, Jim Corsi was a goaltending coach with the Buffalo Sabres, and Matt Fenwick is a blogger for the Flames. Around the internet, certain blogs maintain a sort of fanatical devotion to the Fenwick stat, and it's easy to see why; keyboard warriors have to stick together!

Anyway, Corsi and Fenwick are a way of expressing shot attempts on the net, and if you would like to read more, I recommend this excellent article.

BonksMullet.com has been working hard at developing some of our own #FancyStats as we're looking to get into the hockey analytics game as well. In Part 2 of our Advanced Stats Series, I'd like to introduce you to some of the new performance metrics we've developed. We haven't named these stats after ourselves because we're not that vain. Rather, as we've developed these stats, we've named them after the players that inspired them.

The Ottawa Senators Halloween Costume Party

Guest post by Capital Gains (Ghostwritten by Bonk's Mullet)

Happy Halloween Sens fans! We've got something special for you today courtesy of @Capital_Gains65, one of our favourite Sens Twitter accounts. Ol' Gainsy is famous for his caricatures of both Ottawa Senators and your favourite bloggers.

Gains managed to get exclusive access to the Sens' Halloween party, but there was a strict "no cameras allowed" policy. Luckily, thanks to his razor sharp memory and skill with a brush, he was able to recreate the highlights of the party for everyone to enjoy.

Here are the best Ottawa Senators Halloween costumes of 2013.

Game Summary - Game 12: Sens blow lead, game; lose 6-5 to Chicago

By Luke Peristy

Over this past weekend, the Ottawa Senators lost at home to some of the best Western Conference teams, which was a nice change from losing to those same teams on the road. Things did not get any easier tonight as the Sens were in Chicago to take on the best of all the Western Conference teams. 

Determined not to suffer through another depressing game like on Friday, I took to the trusty Twitters to ask for suggestions for in-game events that would trigger refreshment in the form of beverage consumption; a sort of "Libation on the Board", if you will. Twitter did not disappoint. Here's some of the highlights of what we came up with:

• Sens turnover in their own zone = 1 drink, as suggested by @Huge_Sensfan
• Bobby Ryan falls down = 1 drink, as suggested by @lawbombs
• Sens take a penalty = 1 drink, as suggested by @Tainted_Earth
• Chris Phillips on the powerplay = 1 drink, as suggested by @LadouceurMike
• Dean Brown yells "SCRAMBLLLLLLE!!" = 2 drinks, as suggested by @algibbons
• Someone can't handle an Erik Karlsson pass = 2 drinks, as suggested by @MattMcK2419
• Jason Spezza drop pass = 2 drinks, as suggested by @MyTwoSensWorth
• Bench shot of bemused Robin Lehner = 3 drinks, as suggested by @chet_sellers
• Denis Potvin says the word "Cheese" = 10 drinks, as suggested by @Wham_City

This seemed like a good idea at the time, because either I was going to enjoy some tasty beverages, or the Senators would be playing well. What could go wrong?

Here are my (unedited) game notes.

Ottawa's "Players Only" Meeting: The Secret Transcript

By Luke Peristy

Yesterday, the captain of YOUR Ottawa Senators, Jason Spezza, called a "Players Only" meeting prior to practice after the team's third loss in four games. Your friends at BonksMullet.com have acquired the transcript from that meeting. We would like to present it to you now.

Sens Tweets of the Week: Week 3

by the Bonk's Mullet staff

It was a great week for Sens fans if you ignore every game except the Detroit one, so we've largely done that for this week's edition of Sens Tweets of the Week. Here's last week's edition if you missed it. Somehow the Edmonton game last Sunday got lost in between our two posts, much like Craig Anderson this week.

Game Summary - Game 11: Senators vs. Sharks in Haiku form

by Bonk's Mullet

The Sens "played" the Sharks on Sunday afternoon in a game that experts described as "bad." The Senators actually outplayed the Sharks for most of the game, but were failed early by Craig Anderson, and made a few costly defensive errors.

More importantly, it was Hockey Fights Cancer night in Ottawa. You can text SENS to 45678 to donate $10 to the Hockey Fights Cancer Foundation or text SENATORS to the same number to donate $5. You can also donate online from this link. The game sucked today, but cancer sucks more, so please consider donating. More info here.

Instead of the usual summary format, I've decided to summarize the game in haiku form to appropriately summarize my sadness. I also asked people on Twitter to submit their own. Grab a tissue.

Game Summary - Game 10: Senators vs. Ducks

By Luke Peristy

What a difference one game makes. Six days ago, Sens fans were lamenting a team that looked listless and uninspired and couldn't even beat Edmonton at home. "Woe is us!" came up the cry. "The Red Wings are going to extinguish us like so many Detroit streetlights!" said the voices in the wilderness. Even the promotion of Mika Zibanejad from Binghamton was met with general apathy and a lack of enthusiasm.

Then, just as expectations were falling faster than Bobby Ryan riding a net, Ottawa played their most inspired hockey of the year. Wednesday's 6-1 victory restored hope, helped everyone work out their feelings about Alfie, and also reminded the league that the Senators can play some pretty damn good hockey if they're in the mood. It helped that Detroit choked like Rabbit, but as Eric Gryba once told me, don't look a gift German Shorthaired Pointer in the mouth.

Tonight, the Senators looked to build on their momentum against the Anaheim Ducks. Unlike when Ottawa and Anaheim played two weeks ago, the shotgun shell was in the other barrel (another one of Gryba's weird metaphors), as it was the Ducks who were playing their 3rd game in 4 nights while in the middle of a long road trip. This would be a good chance for Ottawa to take their revenge for the 4-1 beating that Robin Lehner called, "A Beautiful Death".

Here are my game notes.

Game Summary - Game 9: Senators vs. Red Wings - Cinéma Vérité

by Chet Sellers

We're going to try something a little different with the recap tonight, folks. We've had our say about what tonight's game in Detroit means, but there's just too much emotion out there for us to properly sum it up with our over-thought, eggheady words. Instead, we're taking a documentary approach to tonight's recap. It's October 23, 2013, the Senators are in Detroit to face the Red Wings, and here's how the day went.

Radekal Thinking - Detroit Talk City

by the Bonk's Mullet Staff

Bonk's Mullet dot com: No necks allowed.

Chet Sellers: I'm calling our first roundtable to order. Your Ottawa Senators will be in Detroit to play the Red Wings tonight, and many people are telling us that this game is a Big Deal. Is it really? I'd like to start this discussion by putting forward the following three, semi-contradictory propositions that I believe to be true:

1. The Senators are a better team with Clarke MacArthur than Daniel Alfredsson.
2. At least once this season, you've watched the Senators bungle something - a miscommunication on the power play, a botched zone exit, a lost puck battle in a corner - and said to yourself, "Alfredsson would have had that."
3. Tonight's game is not a Big Deal, because it's mostly about how professional hockey players handle it, and professionals are used to dealing with players switching teams. The December 1 game in Ottawa, however, is a Big Deal, because it's about how WE handle it.

#AskMullet Monday: Eye Surgery Edition

by Bonk's Mullet

I had my second round of eye surgery done today to repair holes in my retinas, which went much better than Ottawa's second round attempt to find any holes in the Penguins. That was a stretch, I'm sorry. Here's your third edition of Ask Mullet Monday!

Miley's Iris

@BonksMullet If you and DJ Z-Bad collaborated on a Top-40 Smash Hit... what would the chorus be?
— Ryan Everest (@RyanEverest) October 21, 2013

I came in a sixth overall pick
But after training camp I didn't stick
All I wanted was to break the top six
All you ever did was demote me
Yeah, you demoted me

A naked Mika on a wrecking ball breaks through the walls of Melnyk's office.

CAPITAL EYE PAINS

@BonksMullet which do you prefer: Jason Spezza Giggling or Bobby Ryan Jiggling? #AskMullet
— Capital Gains (@Capital_Gains65) October 21, 2013

MacLean's Mustache Wriggling.

Shed a (Retinal) Tear

@BonksMullet gonna cheer or boo at Alfie the coming up game? #AskMullet
— Mona (@monareda65) October 21, 2013

I'm going to put my serious hat on for a second. Alfie's contributions to the team have had way more of an impact on me than any other athlete ever has. I've never met the man for more than a second, but I feel like I know him. His calm demeanour and his dry sense of humour has made him a father figure to thousands. He let us watch him at his highest highs and his lowest lows for seventeen years. He led us through times of joy and eased us in times of pain. Anyone who's going to let one contract dispute erase all of that is clearly myopic and petty. I will applaud Alfie from my apartment in Philadelphia up until puck drop, when he becomes the opposition. After the game, he will go back to being the greatest Senator to ever live.

Leveye's

@BonksMullet if you were to start a clothing line just for pants, what would you call it?
— Dew.A (@SensDewie19) October 21, 2013

My first answer on Twitter was "Hipcheck Me Outs" in extra slim, by Marc Methot. Upon more thought I will also consider "Erik Condrangler Jeans", "True Relijim O'Briens," and "Patrick Weirdcrotch: Alternative jeans for men."

Eye don't know

@BonksMullet #askmullet what's the over/under on Zibanejad's return to the big club?
— Ric Glowienka (@RicGlowienka) October 21, 2013

I honestly have no idea at this point. Sending him down to Binghamton didn't make much hockey sense in the first place. The team is back into the "win now" mentality and you would have thought Zibanejad was past the point of developing in the minors. If the team truly believes he's one of those "can only play in the top 6" guys, it might be a while until we see him there, as 19/9 aren't going anywhere and MacArthur, Turris, Conacher and Ryan have been lighting many mups. If they finally concede that the "fourth liner" isn't a real thing, he might finally get a chance to play again. One thing working in his favour is Pageau essentially playing himself out of the lineup. And who is Derek Grant?

Today.

BAM, ANALYSIS!

Set our Pupils Free

@BonksMullet what would be the return on trading Spezza and Karlsson? #panickbutton #rebuild
— TiberiusTyler (@TylerMV) October 21, 2013

I read on HFBoards that they could be had for Bozak and a 2nd. Pull the trigger, Melnyk!

Eye of the Tiger

@BonksMullet If you dropped Gryba and Lehner in remote wilderness, who comes out alive and why? #AskMullet
— Jamie Shurtliff (@JShurtliff_613) October 21, 2013

I would think this would be highly dependent on how far apart you dropped them from each other. Robin Lehner's triple black belt in bear fighting would do him well from close range against even the toughest of opponents, but Eric Gryba's head hunting experience (Player 81) and accuracy with a crossbow is second to none. If you dropped them at an optimal distance from each other, I'd suspect the entire wilderness would erupt in flames, every creature would be slain, and the two men would emerge unscathed, shaking hands on a well-fought draw.

Eye Love You Mom

@BonksMullet Would this be the perfect time for your mom to join Twitter?
— SuckitPhaneuf (@Suck_it_Phaneuf) October 21, 2013

My Mom's current method of tweeting involves emailing Twitter.com from her desktop. And if she wanted to see me without pants, she'd just come down to the basement, hopefully with a refill on the Doritos. #bloggerlyfe

Eye for Fashion

@BonksMullet what (in great detail) is the definition of the perfect mullet? #AskMullet
— Andrew Martin (@AMartin0994) October 21, 2013

The body of Eric Gryba's beard (RIP). The hold of MacLean's gaze. The shine of Erik Karlsson's Norris. The fluffiness of Turris's cheesecake. The length of a Leafs off-season.

Eye Pun

@BonksMullet do you have any suggestions for how to stay awake so I can finish my work and go home? #AskMullet
— Laura/theactivestick (@theactivestick) October 21, 2013

Read our tweets of the week! That's it folks. See you next week for a special Halloween edition of #AskMullet Monday.

Sens Tweets of the Week: Week 2

by Bonk's Mullet Staff

Our second edition of "Tweets of the Week" spans from October 12th to October 19th. "But that's more than a week," you say. Well, here at Bonk's Mullet, we're independent, free-thinking artists that won't be brought down by the man. We don't conform to "schedules." Our work is as free flowing as Erik Karlsson flying a kite. It's smoother than Da Costa's bottom. It's more manicured than Chris Neil's dentures. Here are your tweets of the week.

Game Summary: Game 8 - Ottawa smokes a Dubnyk but loses 3-1 to Edmonton

by Bonk's Mullet

Ottawa came into Saturday afternoon's game looking to extend their winning streak to three games, while Edmonton came in looking to extend their smash hit television show, "Oil Change" to five seasons. Earlier in the week, Paul MacLean gave Stephane Da Costa his farewell bisous as he was sent down to the minors, while the team finally gave the fans what they were asking for and recalled highly touted prospect Derek Grant.

On the broadcast front, the all-Canadian Saturday match-up that we've come to value as a rich Canadian tradition for decades was naturally passed up by CBC for the Artistic Gymnastics World Championship in Belgium. Congrats to Guillaume Latendresse on his bronze medal! Now on to the game...

The Bonk's Mullet Advanced Stats Series - Part 1

by Chet Sellers

How often do you find yourself talking to a stranger in a doctor’s waiting room, and the subject turns to your favourite Senators blogs, and then they say something like, “Yeah, I like some of the stuff at Bonk’s Mullet, but they don’t do any . . . *lowers glasses to bridge of nose* . . . serious analysis.” Well, it’s happened to me twice now, and I’m sick of it!

It's no secret that statistical analysis is becoming more prevalent in hockey, even if it requires the use of obscure names and complicated abbreviations (Fenwick; WOWY; EvOZS%) to represent simple, intuitive concepts (puck possession; linemate chemistry; no idea on that last one, actually). It's easy to get intimidated in the face of alphabet soup like that, but rather than throw up your hands, why not put them in our silky mitts and let us lead you through some basic concepts? That's right - we're starting a new series here at RBM, where we take the fanciest #fancystats we can find, fancy them up, and then apply them, fancily, to YOUR Ottawa Senators. Let's go!

(Temporary) Game Summary: Game 7 - Sens beat Senior Citizens 5-2

by Bonk's Mullet

After a grueling road trip out west, the Ottawa Senators finally made their home debut back at Palladium Tire Place. With Chet, Luke, and Kevin all in attendance tonight, you guys are stuck with me. Unfortunately real life calls for me tonight so we won't have a summary up until tomorrow afternoon.

Here's your temporary turbo summary of tonight's game:

• The Devils are really really old

Have a good night folks!