Game Summary - Game 41: Bruins @ Senators - Saturday Night's Alright for Lighting (Mups)

by Chet Sellers

Hey folks! Hope you've been having relaxing holidays so far; I ate so much fruitcake I had to have my stomach pumped, but I'm out of the woods now and ready to recap! You know who lives in the woods? Bears! Another word for bears? Bruins! It's all coming together!

That's right, the Senators are ready to end their holiday layoff tonight with a home game against the Bruins, and what we're all wondering is whether they'll be able to pick up where they left off after their last game, a 5-0 shutout against the Penguins! Hang on a second, folks, one of our RBM interns is handing me a note . . . seriously? The Sens and Bruins already played last night? And the Bruins won 5-0? Are you sure you don't mean the game we beat the Penguins 5-0? You don't. Huh.

Well folks, it looks like tonight's game is the second half of a back-to-back with the Bruins, and tonight the Senators are looking to keep last night's turd salad from becoming a full turd salad bar with all the fixin's. Will they do it? Let's find out!

Photoshop Gameday Preview- Ottawa @ Boston

by Capital Gains

It's game day! The Christmas break is over for the Senators and they're back in action tonight to take on the Boston Bruins. Can they keep their momentum after a 5-0 victory over the Penguins on Monday? Here are your story lines for tonight's game:

SensMotB - Dec. 23 vs. Pittsburgh: $2,250 raised!

by Bonk's Mullet

The 5-0 Sens win over the Pittsburgh Penguins was a great success for the team as well as the start of the 2013-2014 Sens Money on the Board campaign. The total pledge amount to the Sens Foundation was over $2,250. As far as I remember, that beats any single game from last season.

Here's what you need to do to make your donation:

1. Check your pledge: Find your total on this spreadsheet
2. Make your donation: Make your donation to the Sens Foundation with this form (scroll down to get to the form, ignoring the outdated info at the top)

Thanks a lot everyone! We'll have another #SensMotB game some time in late January.

Eric

A Senators Christmas Carol

by Chet Sellers

It was three days before Christmas, and I was in a foul mood. The Senators had dropped their third in a row, this time to the Phoenix Coyotes, and that night I decided I had finally had enough.

“I’m done with this team,” I muttered, as I brushed potato chips off my futon and tucked myself in. I glanced across my rented room at a Patrick Lalime jersey, draped on the back of a folding chair I’d stolen. “You’re not my pajamas anymore,” I said bitterly. “And you,” my voice rising now, as I pointed at a Jason Spezza poster covering cracks in the plaster, “there’s fewer holes in the wall than in your defensive game right now. Tomorrow you’re coming down, and then you’re gonna be captain of the garbage.”

And with that, I turned off the light.

Game Summary - Game 38: Coyotes vs. Senators - Game Pre-Cap

by Chet Sellers

Folks, we’re going to try something a little different this weekend. It’s Saturday, which means the Phoenix Coyotes are in town to face your Ottawa Senators. You might think, given that the Senators are coming off two disappointing losses to the Devils and the Panthers, and given that the Senators have been... what’s the word I’m looking for here... ah yes, terrible against the Western Conference this season, that no reasonable person would have much interest in watching this game.

But you’d be wrong! In fact, we RBM writers are all going to be at the game, drinking beers until we each run out of $20 bills! And after we’ve each had our one beer, we expect to be in no condition to write the kind of insightful, even-handed game recap you’ve come to demand from us. So instead, we’re going to write that recap before the game! What’s going to happen this afternoon, you ask? Let’s find out!

Game Summary: Game 36 - Ottawa has a Devil of a time in Jersey

by Bonk's Mullet

On Wednesday night, the Ottawa Senators looked to build on their impressive winning streak of one game. I'll defer to my Senators Extra Prediction Panel entry for my game preview, brought to you by New Jersey native Bruce Springsteen:

Baby this team lights the mups from your back
It's a Devils trap, it's the start of a back to back
We're gonna win 4 to 1
'Cause Sens like us, baby we were born to go on a two game run

Stay tuned to find out how wrong I was!

Marc Methot, previously out with the flu, was once again sat in favour of Monday night's winning defensive pairings. Methot apparently lost 7 pounds due to the illness. On TSN1200, Dean Brown suggested that Kyle Turris, Bobby Ryan, and possibly other Senators were suffering from flu-like symptoms.

I assure you that you, the reader, will also suffer from flu-like symptoms after reading this game summary.

1st Period

• Early in the game, Marek Zidlicky gets 2 for hooking on the Sens forward leading the rush. Hold on, let me check the replay to see who it was...................Erik Karlsson.
• On the power play, Corvo goes down to his knees to block a clearing attempt at the point. The puck skips past him giving the Devils a 2-on-1. Henrique dishes it to Stephen Gionta who slides it five hole as Lehner dives across the net. Corvo goes back down to his knees to beg MacLean to stay in the lineup. 1-0 Devils
• Erik Condra falls and his skate barely misses Gionta's face. Sources later confirm that Condra was in fact aiming for his face.
• Minutes later, Corvo drops down to the ice again, although this time because of a Michael Ryder slough foot. Ryder grabs the puck and leads an odd-man rush for the Devils up the ice. After a slapshot wide, Reid Boucher, famous for his role as an extra in Youngblood, picks up the bounce off the lively boards and tucks it into the empty net. Paul MacLean tucks in all but one finger as he protests the non-call. 2-0 Devils

2nd Period

• As the Devils skate the puck in on the power play, Pageau leaves his assignment on Jagr to take the puck carrier. If you're wondering how that worked out for him, Jagr passed Steve Yzerman on the all-time goal-scorers list. 3-0 Devils
• After Zajac is called for interference, Paul MacLean ices Greening-Zibanejad-Michalek on the power play. "That will never work" says every Sens fan ever as Colin Greening tips in a Zibanejad shot to make it 3-1 Devils. Emergency rooms are suddenly flooded with patients who claim to have eaten their hats.
• New Jersey plays with six skaters for a solid minute, forcing Erik Karlsson to take a hooking penalty. I wasn't previously aware you could play with too many men to goad the other team's star player into a penalty, but suddenly Cory Clouston seems like a genius.
• A joke is made on Cody Ceci being less than half of Brodeur's age. Cody Ceci is also younger than "half of Brodeur's age" jokes.
• Wiercioch takes a slapshot to the ribs, which is the biggest dent made to a rack of ribs since Guillaume Latendresse left the team.
• Cowen's stick is slashed out of his hands as Brunner hooks him and steals the puck. On the ensuing breakaway, he pulls the Forsberg on Robin Lehner. He celebrates as he looks back to the ref in disbelief. I don't need a joke here because the refs are enough of one.
• As the horn sounds to end the period, MacArthur shoves Volchenkov into the glass at the whistle, drawing a two minute penalty. MacArthur then goes after Volchenkov, who goads MacArthur into an instigator penalty. I've now used the word "goads" once for every six pack I've consumed trying to get through this game.

3rd Period

• Ottawa kills off the double minor as Marc Methot kills a Double Down in the press box. 
• Michalek splits the defense like a knee on a German operating table. He knifes the puck over Brodeur's glove to close the gap to 4-2 Devils.
• The Sens go to the "Timbits" defensive strategy as four Senators chase the Devils behind their own net. The puck is tossed out front to Goon extra Eric Gelinas who puts the game out of reach. 5-2 Devils

Closing Thoughts

Although the refs cost Ottawa two goals against, fans shouldn't lay the blame squarely on the officiating. After what was probably their best effort of the season against the Blues, the Sens were badly outplayed by the Devils. Not much more to say about this one other than the Sens better have something up their sleeve for the Panthers tomorrow night.
Now excuse me as I go tend to my flu-like symptoms.

Game Summary - Game 35: Ottawa plays the Blues, but fans leave happy

By Luke Peristy

Tonight, the Ottawa Senators play the St. Louis Blues, and in the greatest of all Ottawa traditions, much of the pregame discussion focused on goaltending. Paul MacLean decided to hand the conch back to Robin Lehner after Craig Anderson's glasses were shattered early in the game against the LA Kings on Saturday [citation needed]. MacLean was quoted as follows on the matter:

"We gave it a lot of discussion, actually, about who gives us the best opportunity. Throughout the discussion was a lot of stuff but it came down to we felt Robin would give us the best chance today." - Paul MacLean

I'm not entirely sure what falls under the realm of "a lot of stuff", but if that stuff included statistics like "save percentage" and "goals against average", it's probable that those two things may have been the deciding factors in the decision to start Lehner.

At the other end of the ice, noted necromancer Ken Hitchcock has performed some voodoo magic and is starting The Reanimated Corpse of Brian Elliott in the very goalie graveyard where he was thought to be buried. My sources are vague on the details of the occult ceremony that Hitchcock orchestrated, but there's been some discussion that "blood must be repaid with blood", and is it just me or has Craig Anderson been looking a little pale lately?

More on this story as it develops, but for now, on to the game!

Game Summary - Game 34: "Goodbye Mr. Anderson" - Kings smack the Sens 5-2

by Bonk's Mullet

Good evening Sens fans! It's Saturday in December, so it's time to light a fire, get some hot cocoa, gather in front of the TV with the family, and soak in a part of our proud Canadian heritage with Ron MacLean, Don Cherry, and the gang on Hockey Night in Canada at 7 PM.

Photoshop Battle - Eric Gryba fights Cody McCormick...sort of

by the Bonk's Mullet Staff

Earlier this evening, Eric Gryba tried to fight Cody McCormick. This was the result...

Woops pic.twitter.com/3aiuMgKhXJ
— James Gordon (@SensReporter) December 13, 2013

And like flies take to honey, or like Chris Neil takes to last-minute hooking penalties, Twitter's best answered with a plethora of photoshops. Here we go...

"Fatality" by our very own @Capital_Gains65

"Skrillex Mosh Pit" by @WhiteLeaf55

"Eric Gryba does not like snowball fights" by @Capital_Gains65

"Eric Gryba in the ring tonight" by @djempey

"Eric Gryba realizes he shouldn't have skimped on skydiving lessons" by @BonksMullet

"Gryba came in like a wrecking ball" by @Capital_Gains65

"Eric Gryba the Cossack dancer" by @tcote

"Eric Gryba hunting 'accident'" by @Capital_Gains65

"Eric Gryba's Neverending Story" by @WhiteLeaf55

"Eric Gryba changes hockey fights forever" by our very own @BringBackLee

"Isn't it almost Oscar season?" by @tcote

"Eric Gryba is not a fan of horses" by @Capital_Gains65

"Eric...I am your father." by @Capital_Gains65

"Mad #Pesky Men" by @Capital_Gains65

And your winner is...

"Eric Gryba can't figure out the Sens Flash Mob Dance." by @BringBackLee

Game Summary - Game 33: Ottawa coasts past Buffalo on the back of Anderson

By Luke Peristy

For the second straight game, the Ottawa Senators are facing the Buffalo Sabres. Unlike their last meeting, however, Ottawa will not be playing their second of back-to-back games, and they will be at home. These are two encouraging developments for a team that only just managed to eke out a shootout loss against the Sabres on Tuesday.

But we go now to our top story: following a hit to the head of Zemgus Girgensons, Jared Cowen was suspended for two games in a decision that many are hailing as a gross miscarriage healthy and problem-free delivery of justice (the mother, Brendan Shanahan, is resting peacefully). In addition, Marc Methot is out with a case of the flu that seems to have struck him suspiciously close to the North American premiere date of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. 

Ottawa's sudden loss of two defencemen has led to the emergency call-up of 2012 first-round draft pick Cody Ceci. Playoff hero and frequent Canadian Tire Centre crowd muse Jean-Gabriel Pageau has also been called up from Binghamton. Needless to say, Twitter has been all, uh, atwitter at this news. Even as I speak, a virtual army is readying itself to anoint Ceci a bust at the first sign of defensive deficiency, and also to proclaim that any problems with Pageau's play are due to his lack of quality linemates. It should be quite a show. Let's see what happens.

Photoshop Gameday Preview- Buffalo @ Ottawa

by Capital Gains

It's game day! The Senators are back in Ottawa to take on the Sabres again, trying to bounce back from their loss on Tuesday. Here are your story lines for tonight's game:

Game Summary - Game 32: Senators @ Sabres - Buffalo Down Dirty Shame

by Chet Sellers

One of the mantras Senators fans have repeated to themselves over the course of this disappointing season is, "We're not that bad. Buffalo is bad. We're not as bad as Buffalo." And it's true - Buffalo is bad, having collected a grand total of 14 points in 30 games so far this year. By statistical measures traditional or advanced, Buffalo's ineptitude has been historic. Buffalo is Islanders-in-the-90s-bad. Buffalo is expansion team-bad. I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure Buffalo's fourth line is made up of contest winners.

And yet. As the Senators begin a home-and-home series with the Sabres tonight, you might be looking at this week's schedule and saying, "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." And while you'd be casually exaggerating the monotony of back-to-back games against the lowly Sabres, you'd also be constructing a grammatically-correct sentence exploiting the use of homonyms and homophones. And in a way, you'd be obliquely commenting on the fact that, even though the Senators may look superior to the Sabres on paper, in the NHL any team can beat another on any given night. You'd be pointing out that, if the Senators are going to pick up the four points they need from the Sabres this week, they need to fight the complacency that follows a win just as much as they need to fight the Sabres. Very deep of you.

So let's get into it - can the Senators' momentum survive a flight to Buffalo? Can the team combat the conditions at the First Niagara Centre, where the ice is lit about as well as 1970s pornography? Can ex-Sabre Clarke MacArthur stay hotter than a Thai rattlesnake against his former team? Let's find out!

Game Summary - Game 31: Ottawa Beats Philly in Shootout, Restores Hope

By Luke Peristy

It's time.

We knew that after Ray Emery's girlfriend Keshia Chanté went after Robin Lehner on Twitter, it was only a matter of time until we got the goalie fight we all wanted. Well, that time is now. I, for one, have been buzzing with anticipation all day while I wait for Robin "The" Lehner to go toe-to-toe with "Razor" Ray Emer-...wait, what's that?

Sorry, I've just been informed that Ray Emery had a "passport issue" and won't be getting the start in Ottawa. Passport issues, of course, were one of Floyd "Money" Mayweather's many excuses to avoid fighting Manny Pacquiao, so I think we can all tell what's going on here.

In order to further reduce the threat of violence in tonight's game, Craig "The Pacifist" Anderson is starting for Ottawa. This is just like the time Paddy Ryan's rematch against John L. Sullivan for the 1886 Heavyweight Championship was bumped in favour of a pennyfarthing race between William "Big Wheels" McHutchison and J. P. "Crazy Legs" Rochester. I guess if you want to see fighting, you'll have to get it from the usual source: Matt Kassian. I can just imagine tomorrow's headlines.

Incredulous fan: "I went to a hockey game and a hockey game broke out!"

Ok, I think that pretty much exhausts all my fighting jokes. This will likely be the last time Ottawa plays Philadelphia this season, so join me while I recap tonight's game and try to use up the rest of my "Philly Cheesesteak" jokes.

Game Summary - Game 30: Leafs @ Sens or Guess Who's Coming To Dinner...

By Luke Peristy

Leafs fans: we all know them. They are everywhere. Some of them might be your friends. Some of them might be family. Even you might be a Leafs fan. (If you are a Leafs fan, say hi to "above-average goaltending" for me.)

Anyway, I've grown up around Leafs fans, and while I personally do not support the Leafs fan lifestyle, I've realized that you can't simply cut these people out of your life because you disagree with the choices they make. There's just too many of them.

In order to prove what a tolerant man I am, tonight I opened my home to Leafs fans. "Come watch the game on my 27-inch rear projection television!" went the invitation. "Bring your own beer. You can't have any of mine." it continued. I concluded: "All of you will be forced to sit on the crappy couch, like early 20th century peasants in steerage class on the Titanic. Don't touch anything; you'll make it dirty."

Unsurprisingly, several people responded to my generous offer. While I was slightly apprehensive about having so many unsavoury characters in my Fortress of SENSitivity (Ladies...), I knew that ultimately this experience would be an opportunity to achieve personal growth, and would certainly not lead to me flying into a rage and committing several grisly homicides .

The following is an account of my bold social experiment.

A Brief History of the Battle of Ontario

by Chet Sellers

If the Senators actually have a home game this Saturday night, it must mean the Leafs are in town. Tomorrow's game is an important divisional matchup the Senators need to win to stay within shouting distance of a playoff spot, but it's not likely to reach the levels of animosity the Senators and Leafs regularly exhibited during the Battle of Ontario.

What's the Battle of Ontario, you ask? Thanks for asking. The Battle of Ontario was a rivalry between the Senators and Leafs that either lasted from 2000-2004 (if you're a Leafs fan) or never actually ended (if you're a Sens fan). The Leafs always got the better of the Senators when the stakes were highest, but after almost a decade since these two teams last met in the playoffs, most of the drama in this rivalry has shifted from the ice to the stands, between Sens fans and Sens season ticket-holders who keep selling their tickets to Leafs fans.

As background for tomorrow night, then, let our audio recap above take you through the highs and lows of the Battle of Ontario as it actually happened. Enjoy!

Game Summary - Game 29: Senators @ Lightning - Going Back to Tampa

by Chet Sellers

Tampa. For as long as Ottawa has had a hockey team, Tampa has been its evil twin. Like Romulus and Remus, the Senators and Lightning were born out of the mists of expansion, raised at the teats of wolves, and eventually fell into a bitter dispute of cities destined to end in murder. Like any ancient tragedy, the story of Ottawa and Tampa is one of bloodshed, vengeance, and betrayal, with both sides lurching toward a senseless, unavoidable conclusion.

Tampa. The city so rough it makes Cartagena look like Calgary. The city so mean it turns even the most neighbourly disagreement into a vicious, generational blood feud. Few know that "Going Back to Cali", the Notorious B.I.G.'s ode to the East Coast-West Coast rap war, was originally called "Going Back to Tampa" until Sean Combs declared it "too raw for even the 90s."

The Tampa Bay Lightning enjoy a day off.

Tampa. Whisper it, like a terrible, secret prayer.

It's fitting that if the Senators are going to start turning their season around, they're going to have to start in the darkest, most forbidding place imaginable . . . Tampa. Against that grim backdrop, can the Senators beat the Lightning tonight and make it two in a row? Let's find out!

Ottawa Senators Off-Ice Power Rankings - December 2013

by Chet Sellers

 

After a boisterous off-season and start to the year, the Senators kept it pretty quiet on social media during the month of November. Why, you ask? Losing? I'd say losing. It's hard to justify posting a selfie next to a 72 oz. steak or soliciting opinions on paint swatches for next year's jet ski when you're not getting it done on the ice. One exception is a guy who's getting it done both on the ice and in life, a guy who's mostly-dormant Twitter account exploded this month. Of course I'm talking about our new #1 . . .

Game Summary - Senators Shine 4-2 over the Panthers

by Bonk's Mullet (with images from Kevin and Gains)

It's been a cold few months in Ottawa. After losing twice in a row to Vancouver and Detroit, negativity was running wild. Sens fans started to turn on their father figures, MacLean and Murray, as well as their star players in Karlsson, Spezza, and Anderson. So, Ottawa did what any family does when things get dire. "Honey, we're going to Florida!"

"La la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Photoshop Gameday Preview- Ottawa @ Florida

by Capital Gains

It's game day! The Ottawa Senators are in Miami to face the Florida Panthers tonight. Coming off an emotional loss to Daniel Alfredsson and the Detroit Red Wings on Sunday, Ottawa is looking to bounce back with a strong game against the Panthers. Here are your story lines for tonight's game:

Game Summary - Game 27: Red Wings vs. Senators - I'm Coming Home Again

by Bonk's Mullet and Chet Sellers

They say you can never go home again. Well, that's not technically true; you can go home again, but Robin Lehner lives there now and he refuses to turn on the furnace. Daniel Alfredsson may not be going home tonight, but he's going to the next closest place, the Canadian Tire Centre.

You've already read and seen plenty about what tonight does or doesn't mean, from Silver Seven Sens' excellent reassessment of Alfredsson's hagiography to other idiots expressing their anguish through the majesty of song. But despite everyone's search for answers, as game night approaches, we're only left with more questions - will anyone actually boo Daniel Alfredsson? Will the emotion surrounding this evening have any impact on the man himself? And most importantly, will the Senators be able to beat the Red Wings for a third time?

We've decided to summarize the game by putting a finger to the pulse of the Sens Army. Here's reaction to Alfie's return via the tweets of Sens fans.