Ottawa-Boston games are known for being low-scoring, defensive affairs. Here's an example of the tough, grinding hockey that usually takes place in these games:
Boston has one of the tallest players in the league in Zdeno Chara. Ottawa has one of the shortest players in the league in Cory Conacher. Can you even imagine what they would look like side by side?
Actual photo. Rumour has it Cory Conacher was McDonald's second choice for their mini goalie ad.
But as my mother told me repeatedly as a child, it's what's on the on the inside that counts. Let's check out a mock-up of Chara and Conacher's size when taking heart into consideration.
Conacher's heart is so oversized that he's experiencing shortness of breath, dizziness, and chest pain. Take that, Chara!
Rumour has it that upon hearing the words "Boston Bruins", Clarke MacArthur was rushed to the Ottawa Civic Hospital's psychiatric ward and may not be available for puck drop. MacArthur reportedly froze dead in his tracks and started repeating "10:42, 10:42," over and over again. We have no idea why.
"It's so warm and tight around my body. Is that you, Kyle?"
UPDATE: Capital Gains was live at the scene and has informed us that the ghost of the franchise's future, Erik Karlsson, came to the rescue and explained to MacArthur that the game 7 loss was necessary to get him away from Randy Carlyle and into a Senators uniform. Or he may have just hosed him down with moose antler spray. Either way, MacArthur's in the lineup tonight!
"Erik, why is everything mirrored?" "Because Clarke, with a face like mine, it's best if everything is a mirror."
Despite being the only Ottawa goalie who has shown he can beat the Boston Bruins, Robin Lehner went out of his way this morning to prove to Paul MacLean that he should be between the pipes for this game.
"I win. Now I'm moving into your cave."
Speaking of Lehner, he failed to provide a convincing explanation of the #93 hat he's been seen wearing on the bench. We suspect it's a viral marketing stunt for DJ Z-Bad's newest mix.
It's was easy to connect the dots once we saw this photo of the jersey Lehner plans to debut potentially as soon as tonight.
The back of the jersey has ads for Mountain Dew and the X Games
Both goaltenders have been campaigning hard for the start tonight. They even took the time to prepare and distribute promotional materials:
"PROGRESS the puck out of our own end please."
"In case I get angry, bring a CHANGE of pants"
UPDATE: Anderson has been chosen to start the game tonight. When asked for why he went with Anderson, MacLean answered, "I've said all along that Craig is our starting goaltender. That, and the fact that Robin Lehner is currently eating the crumbs out of my mustache."
USA! USA! USA
Let's hope the Senators, fueled by the tears of patriotic bald eagles, can avoid embarrassment pull off a victory tonight! Enjoy the game tonight, folks.
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