The Ottawa Senators Halloween Costume Party

Guest post by Capital Gains (Ghostwritten by Bonk's Mullet)

Happy Halloween Sens fans! We've got something special for you today courtesy of @Capital_Gains65, one of our favourite Sens Twitter accounts. Ol' Gainsy is famous for his caricatures of both Ottawa Senators and your favourite bloggers.

Gains managed to get exclusive access to the Sens' Halloween party, but there was a strict "no cameras allowed" policy. Luckily, thanks to his razor sharp memory and skill with a brush, he was able to recreate the highlights of the party for everyone to enjoy.

Here are the best Ottawa Senators Halloween costumes of 2013.

Game Summary - Game 12: Sens blow lead, game; lose 6-5 to Chicago

By Luke Peristy

Over this past weekend, the Ottawa Senators lost at home to some of the best Western Conference teams, which was a nice change from losing to those same teams on the road. Things did not get any easier tonight as the Sens were in Chicago to take on the best of all the Western Conference teams. 

Determined not to suffer through another depressing game like on Friday, I took to the trusty Twitters to ask for suggestions for in-game events that would trigger refreshment in the form of beverage consumption; a sort of "Libation on the Board", if you will. Twitter did not disappoint. Here's some of the highlights of what we came up with:

• Sens turnover in their own zone = 1 drink, as suggested by @Huge_Sensfan
• Bobby Ryan falls down = 1 drink, as suggested by @lawbombs
• Sens take a penalty = 1 drink, as suggested by @Tainted_Earth
• Chris Phillips on the powerplay = 1 drink, as suggested by @LadouceurMike
• Dean Brown yells "SCRAMBLLLLLLE!!" = 2 drinks, as suggested by @algibbons
• Someone can't handle an Erik Karlsson pass = 2 drinks, as suggested by @MattMcK2419
• Jason Spezza drop pass = 2 drinks, as suggested by @MyTwoSensWorth
• Bench shot of bemused Robin Lehner = 3 drinks, as suggested by @chet_sellers
• Denis Potvin says the word "Cheese" = 10 drinks, as suggested by @Wham_City

This seemed like a good idea at the time, because either I was going to enjoy some tasty beverages, or the Senators would be playing well. What could go wrong?

Here are my (unedited) game notes.

Ottawa's "Players Only" Meeting: The Secret Transcript

By Luke Peristy

Yesterday, the captain of YOUR Ottawa Senators, Jason Spezza, called a "Players Only" meeting prior to practice after the team's third loss in four games. Your friends at BonksMullet.com have acquired the transcript from that meeting. We would like to present it to you now.

Sens Tweets of the Week: Week 3

by the Bonk's Mullet staff

It was a great week for Sens fans if you ignore every game except the Detroit one, so we've largely done that for this week's edition of Sens Tweets of the Week. Here's last week's edition if you missed it. Somehow the Edmonton game last Sunday got lost in between our two posts, much like Craig Anderson this week.

Game Summary - Game 11: Senators vs. Sharks in Haiku form

by Bonk's Mullet

The Sens "played" the Sharks on Sunday afternoon in a game that experts described as "bad." The Senators actually outplayed the Sharks for most of the game, but were failed early by Craig Anderson, and made a few costly defensive errors.

More importantly, it was Hockey Fights Cancer night in Ottawa. You can text SENS to 45678 to donate $10 to the Hockey Fights Cancer Foundation or text SENATORS to the same number to donate $5. You can also donate online from this link. The game sucked today, but cancer sucks more, so please consider donating. More info here.

Instead of the usual summary format, I've decided to summarize the game in haiku form to appropriately summarize my sadness. I also asked people on Twitter to submit their own. Grab a tissue.

Game Summary - Game 10: Senators vs. Ducks

By Luke Peristy

What a difference one game makes. Six days ago, Sens fans were lamenting a team that looked listless and uninspired and couldn't even beat Edmonton at home. "Woe is us!" came up the cry. "The Red Wings are going to extinguish us like so many Detroit streetlights!" said the voices in the wilderness. Even the promotion of Mika Zibanejad from Binghamton was met with general apathy and a lack of enthusiasm.

Then, just as expectations were falling faster than Bobby Ryan riding a net, Ottawa played their most inspired hockey of the year. Wednesday's 6-1 victory restored hope, helped everyone work out their feelings about Alfie, and also reminded the league that the Senators can play some pretty damn good hockey if they're in the mood. It helped that Detroit choked like Rabbit, but as Eric Gryba once told me, don't look a gift German Shorthaired Pointer in the mouth.

Tonight, the Senators looked to build on their momentum against the Anaheim Ducks. Unlike when Ottawa and Anaheim played two weeks ago, the shotgun shell was in the other barrel (another one of Gryba's weird metaphors), as it was the Ducks who were playing their 3rd game in 4 nights while in the middle of a long road trip. This would be a good chance for Ottawa to take their revenge for the 4-1 beating that Robin Lehner called, "A Beautiful Death".

Here are my game notes.

Game Summary - Game 9: Senators vs. Red Wings - Cinéma Vérité

by Chet Sellers

We're going to try something a little different with the recap tonight, folks. We've had our say about what tonight's game in Detroit means, but there's just too much emotion out there for us to properly sum it up with our over-thought, eggheady words. Instead, we're taking a documentary approach to tonight's recap. It's October 23, 2013, the Senators are in Detroit to face the Red Wings, and here's how the day went.

Radekal Thinking - Detroit Talk City

by the Bonk's Mullet Staff

Bonk's Mullet dot com: No necks allowed.

Chet Sellers: I'm calling our first roundtable to order. Your Ottawa Senators will be in Detroit to play the Red Wings tonight, and many people are telling us that this game is a Big Deal. Is it really? I'd like to start this discussion by putting forward the following three, semi-contradictory propositions that I believe to be true:

1. The Senators are a better team with Clarke MacArthur than Daniel Alfredsson.
2. At least once this season, you've watched the Senators bungle something - a miscommunication on the power play, a botched zone exit, a lost puck battle in a corner - and said to yourself, "Alfredsson would have had that."
3. Tonight's game is not a Big Deal, because it's mostly about how professional hockey players handle it, and professionals are used to dealing with players switching teams. The December 1 game in Ottawa, however, is a Big Deal, because it's about how WE handle it.

#AskMullet Monday: Eye Surgery Edition

by Bonk's Mullet

I had my second round of eye surgery done today to repair holes in my retinas, which went much better than Ottawa's second round attempt to find any holes in the Penguins. That was a stretch, I'm sorry. Here's your third edition of Ask Mullet Monday!

Miley's Iris

@BonksMullet If you and DJ Z-Bad collaborated on a Top-40 Smash Hit... what would the chorus be?
— Ryan Everest (@RyanEverest) October 21, 2013

I came in a sixth overall pick
But after training camp I didn't stick
All I wanted was to break the top six
All you ever did was demote me
Yeah, you demoted me

A naked Mika on a wrecking ball breaks through the walls of Melnyk's office.

CAPITAL EYE PAINS

@BonksMullet which do you prefer: Jason Spezza Giggling or Bobby Ryan Jiggling? #AskMullet
— Capital Gains (@Capital_Gains65) October 21, 2013

MacLean's Mustache Wriggling.

Shed a (Retinal) Tear

@BonksMullet gonna cheer or boo at Alfie the coming up game? #AskMullet
— Mona (@monareda65) October 21, 2013

I'm going to put my serious hat on for a second. Alfie's contributions to the team have had way more of an impact on me than any other athlete ever has. I've never met the man for more than a second, but I feel like I know him. His calm demeanour and his dry sense of humour has made him a father figure to thousands. He let us watch him at his highest highs and his lowest lows for seventeen years. He led us through times of joy and eased us in times of pain. Anyone who's going to let one contract dispute erase all of that is clearly myopic and petty. I will applaud Alfie from my apartment in Philadelphia up until puck drop, when he becomes the opposition. After the game, he will go back to being the greatest Senator to ever live.

Leveye's

@BonksMullet if you were to start a clothing line just for pants, what would you call it?
— Dew.A (@SensDewie19) October 21, 2013

My first answer on Twitter was "Hipcheck Me Outs" in extra slim, by Marc Methot. Upon more thought I will also consider "Erik Condrangler Jeans", "True Relijim O'Briens," and "Patrick Weirdcrotch: Alternative jeans for men."

Eye don't know

@BonksMullet #askmullet what's the over/under on Zibanejad's return to the big club?
— Ric Glowienka (@RicGlowienka) October 21, 2013

I honestly have no idea at this point. Sending him down to Binghamton didn't make much hockey sense in the first place. The team is back into the "win now" mentality and you would have thought Zibanejad was past the point of developing in the minors. If the team truly believes he's one of those "can only play in the top 6" guys, it might be a while until we see him there, as 19/9 aren't going anywhere and MacArthur, Turris, Conacher and Ryan have been lighting many mups. If they finally concede that the "fourth liner" isn't a real thing, he might finally get a chance to play again. One thing working in his favour is Pageau essentially playing himself out of the lineup. And who is Derek Grant?

Today.

BAM, ANALYSIS!

Set our Pupils Free

@BonksMullet what would be the return on trading Spezza and Karlsson? #panickbutton #rebuild
— TiberiusTyler (@TylerMV) October 21, 2013

I read on HFBoards that they could be had for Bozak and a 2nd. Pull the trigger, Melnyk!

Eye of the Tiger

@BonksMullet If you dropped Gryba and Lehner in remote wilderness, who comes out alive and why? #AskMullet
— Jamie Shurtliff (@JShurtliff_613) October 21, 2013

I would think this would be highly dependent on how far apart you dropped them from each other. Robin Lehner's triple black belt in bear fighting would do him well from close range against even the toughest of opponents, but Eric Gryba's head hunting experience (Player 81) and accuracy with a crossbow is second to none. If you dropped them at an optimal distance from each other, I'd suspect the entire wilderness would erupt in flames, every creature would be slain, and the two men would emerge unscathed, shaking hands on a well-fought draw.

Eye Love You Mom

@BonksMullet Would this be the perfect time for your mom to join Twitter?
— SuckitPhaneuf (@Suck_it_Phaneuf) October 21, 2013

My Mom's current method of tweeting involves emailing Twitter.com from her desktop. And if she wanted to see me without pants, she'd just come down to the basement, hopefully with a refill on the Doritos. #bloggerlyfe

Eye for Fashion

@BonksMullet what (in great detail) is the definition of the perfect mullet? #AskMullet
— Andrew Martin (@AMartin0994) October 21, 2013

The body of Eric Gryba's beard (RIP). The hold of MacLean's gaze. The shine of Erik Karlsson's Norris. The fluffiness of Turris's cheesecake. The length of a Leafs off-season.

Eye Pun

@BonksMullet do you have any suggestions for how to stay awake so I can finish my work and go home? #AskMullet
— Laura/theactivestick (@theactivestick) October 21, 2013

Read our tweets of the week! That's it folks. See you next week for a special Halloween edition of #AskMullet Monday.

Sens Tweets of the Week: Week 2

by Bonk's Mullet Staff

Our second edition of "Tweets of the Week" spans from October 12th to October 19th. "But that's more than a week," you say. Well, here at Bonk's Mullet, we're independent, free-thinking artists that won't be brought down by the man. We don't conform to "schedules." Our work is as free flowing as Erik Karlsson flying a kite. It's smoother than Da Costa's bottom. It's more manicured than Chris Neil's dentures. Here are your tweets of the week.

Game Summary: Game 8 - Ottawa smokes a Dubnyk but loses 3-1 to Edmonton

by Bonk's Mullet

Ottawa came into Saturday afternoon's game looking to extend their winning streak to three games, while Edmonton came in looking to extend their smash hit television show, "Oil Change" to five seasons. Earlier in the week, Paul MacLean gave Stephane Da Costa his farewell bisous as he was sent down to the minors, while the team finally gave the fans what they were asking for and recalled highly touted prospect Derek Grant.

On the broadcast front, the all-Canadian Saturday match-up that we've come to value as a rich Canadian tradition for decades was naturally passed up by CBC for the Artistic Gymnastics World Championship in Belgium. Congrats to Guillaume Latendresse on his bronze medal! Now on to the game...

The Bonk's Mullet Advanced Stats Series - Part 1

by Chet Sellers

How often do you find yourself talking to a stranger in a doctor’s waiting room, and the subject turns to your favourite Senators blogs, and then they say something like, “Yeah, I like some of the stuff at Bonk’s Mullet, but they don’t do any . . . *lowers glasses to bridge of nose* . . . serious analysis.” Well, it’s happened to me twice now, and I’m sick of it!

It's no secret that statistical analysis is becoming more prevalent in hockey, even if it requires the use of obscure names and complicated abbreviations (Fenwick; WOWY; EvOZS%) to represent simple, intuitive concepts (puck possession; linemate chemistry; no idea on that last one, actually). It's easy to get intimidated in the face of alphabet soup like that, but rather than throw up your hands, why not put them in our silky mitts and let us lead you through some basic concepts? That's right - we're starting a new series here at RBM, where we take the fanciest #fancystats we can find, fancy them up, and then apply them, fancily, to YOUR Ottawa Senators. Let's go!

(Temporary) Game Summary: Game 7 - Sens beat Senior Citizens 5-2

by Bonk's Mullet

After a grueling road trip out west, the Ottawa Senators finally made their home debut back at Palladium Tire Place. With Chet, Luke, and Kevin all in attendance tonight, you guys are stuck with me. Unfortunately real life calls for me tonight so we won't have a summary up until tomorrow afternoon.

Here's your temporary turbo summary of tonight's game:

• The Devils are really really old

Have a good night folks!

Bonk's Mullet Exclusive: A Sneak Peek at Eugene Melnyk's New Book

by the Bonk's Mullet Staff

If you missed Senators owner Eugene Melnyk on Ottawa radio this afternoon, you missed more bombshell revelations on the state of the team's finances. Melnyk now claims to have lost $110M during his tenure as Senators owner, a sum so massive, he says, it's going to need a whole book to explain. Well, guess what - we've already obtained a copy of the book's table of contents, and it looks like a potboiler! Here's our exclusive peek at Eugene's new book!

Game Summary: Game 6 - Sens down Yotes 4-3 in OT; Spezza Spurs Sens to Success

By Luke Peristy

This past weekend, the Senators celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving™ the same way we all do: with lethargy and general laziness. While the rest was good for the players' body and soul (I hope it was good for something), it was not very good for Ottawa's position in the standings as they lost the two weekend games by a combined score of 7-3. This seems pretty bad, but in reality the team looked much, much worse than the scores indicated. However, with a win over the Phoenix Coyotes, the Senators could finish the road trip with a not-entirely-catastrophic 2-2-2 record before returning to the welcoming bosom of Palladium Tire Place.

After only featuring in the weekend games for only as long as it took to remind Robin Lehner that he's still the backup, Craig Anderson got the start in goal. In addition, Matt Kassian was inserted into the lineup in place of Stephane Da Costa because the best players play.

Phoenix countered by starting Mike Smith in net, and performed an impressive rendition of "Don't Ya Wish Your Owner Was Rich Like Me" before the game. Shane Doan also gave a rousing speech in which he pledged that he would never leave the franchise that drafted him and made him captain. Finally, Phoenix made clear their superiority at the game of "putting the arena as far away from anything as possible." This last gesture was, frankly, a little mean-spirited. Having an inconveniently located arena is all we've got left. Let us have this, Phoenix. Let Ottawa be the "arena located in the middle of nowhere" team. Actually, I guess Winnipeg has that distinction as well, so whatever.

Anyway, onto the game.

Game Summary: Game 5 - Ducks flatten Sens 4-1; Paul MacLean not impressed

by Bonk's Mullet

I hope you didn't watch that one on a full stomach. The Senators weren't in Canada for Thanksgiving but they sure looked like a bunch of turkeys against Anaheim on Sunday night (thanks to Bonk's Mullet's mother for that joke). The Senators surrendered the most shots against in franchise history with 56 and tied for the second least amount of goals scored in franchise history with 1 (citation needed).

Photoshop Game Day Preview - OTT @ ANA: The Duck Tale of Bobby Ryan

By Kevin Lee and Bonk's Mullet

It's game day (again), and we are one game closer to ending this Western Conference road trip.

• If you fell asleep last night or wisely decided to stop watching the slaughter, you can re-live the game through Chet's game summary.
• The Ducks will be sporting their retro jerseys tonight for the first time to celebrate their 20th anniversary.
• Now on to our game preview...
  

Game Summary - Game 4: Ottawa vs. San Jose - Assault on Precinct Robin Lehner

by Chet Sellers

Game Preview

If we’re almost two weeks into the season, it must be time for the Senators’ fourth game, and oh boy, does this one look like a doozy. The San Jose Sharks are the hottest team in hockey with a 4-0-0 record and 21 goals scored so far, thanks in part to rookie Tomas Hertl's four-goal effort against the Rangers earlier this week. The Senators, meanwhile, are 1-0-2 and still looking for their offensive rhythm. On paper, they’re in tough against the Sharks, but you never know, they might still make some . . . *puts on shades* . . . HERTL SOUP.

Ottawa and San Jose are spiritual cousins in a lot of ways – both are early-90s kids; both have traded for, and then traded away, Daniel James Heatley; both have historically built high-offense teams that dominate the regular season only to fall apart in the playoffs, so much so that Sharks have often been referred to as the “Senators of the west” (sorry, Sharks, but you’ll always be the Stanford to our Harvard when it comes to failure).

So how do you cool off the hottest team in hockey? The Senators figure the best way is to give Robin Lehner his first start of the year. This is exactly the kind of challenge Lehner lives for, and you can bet he's motivated to add the Sharks to the list of things he owns, which at present consists only of Daniel Alfredsson's old house, a futon, and about 35 hunting knives you need a permit to carry.

That said, the Senators are also coming to San Jose unsure of what they'll get from captain Jason Spezza and his wonky groin. The Sharks have no such concerns about their captain, Joe Thornton, who made news this week with a groin-related quote I shan’t be repeating here. I keep my game recaps PG, and if you need to know what he said, I suggest you switch to private-browsing mode before looking it up at filthyquotes.com or whatever outlet runs that kind of nonsense. Now let’s recap a good, clean hockey game.

Photoshop Game Day Preview - OTT @ SJ

By Kevin Lee

It's game day and we've got a wealth of riches for you to check out:

• Read what Ian Mendes calls "the greatest prediction panel entry of all time," wherein Mullet makes 13 penis references in 6 sentences. Can you find them all? [Senators Extra] 
• The Sens Tweets of the Week is our new weekly feature that immortalizes all the best work from Sens fans on Twitter. This week features Chris Phillips's surprising campaign for captain and the Sens' new team motto. [Tweets of the Week]
• Now on to our game preview...
  

Sens Tweets of the Week - Early October Super-Sized Edition

by the Bonk's Mullet Staff

We're introducing a new weekly feature here at the Mullet! Because we are too lazy to write something today want to recognize the hilarity of our fellow Sens fans, we're going to be compiling some of Twitter's best zingers and delivering them to you in convenient digest form. Catch up on what you missed or experience the laughs all over again! Let's go! Warning: Shameless homerism.

How Would Senators Players Celebrate If They Scored 4 Goals?

By Luke Peristy

Earlier today, Joe Thornton caused a minor stir when he revealed how he would celebrate after scoring four goals in a game. We won't tell you exactly what he said, but we can provide a graphical representation.

HOW IS THIS BETTER?!?!

Big thanks to @WheelingProbs for the photo! In an attempt to find more comedy gold, we asked Ottawa Senators players how they would celebrate a four goal performance. Their answers may surprise you!

Game Summary: Game 3 - Sens lose to Kings 4-3 OT

Late at night in the Ottawa Valley, after all the senior citizens and civil servants have gone to bed, this blog stays open to bring you the SENSual Senators coverage you crave. This is...

By Luke Peristy

Hello there, discerning reader. Welcome to Mullet After Dark, the late night Sens blog that is sure to entertain you on those sleepless nights. Please come in and have a seat. Joining us in the lounge tonight is Jason from Mississauga. Jason's been going through some tough times at work lately, so I invited him to relax with us and take a load off that achy groin. Maybe later we can look at getting that groin some treatment, if you know what I mean. (This is what I mean.) All that in good time, but for now, how are you enjoying that hot tub, Jason?

Seriously, who doesn't like hot tubs?

What can I say? Looks like he's another satisfied patron of Mullet After Dark. Anyway, make yourself at home. What's that? You heard it was Game Night?! Why, right you are! Just follow me past the break, and I'll tell you more about tonight's fun and games. Tonight's affair was between the Kings and Senators, and like all good affairs, it took place in Los Angeles.

A Fan's Guide to Coping with a West Coast Road Trip

by Chet Sellers

 

Yay, hockey’s back! And after such a long delay between the start of the season and the Senators’ first games, it must be time for some serious TV-watching action this week, right? I can see you Monday night, getting home after a long day at work, or in class, or out on the yacht, putting on your Sens slippers and kicking your feet up at 7:30 expecting Dean and Denis only to find . . . baseball. And when the same thing happens tonight, you finally pull out your trusty pocket schedule and find that yes, the Sens play Wednesday . . . but it’s at 10:30 PM? What the hell?

That’s not a typo, friend – that’s a west coast road trip. If you’re new to the Sens and only followed the lockout-shortened season last year, you’ve probably never heard of something called the “Western Conference”. Believe it or not, this is a real group of western-based NHL teams, most of whom wear green and/or purple uniforms, and all of whom play a home-and-home series with the Senators in a typical 82-game season. But don’t worry – there are only 14 teams in this “conference”, so it’s not like we’ll be seeing eight of them in the playoffs!

Now that you’re faced with a week of weird teams, late games, and sleepy mornings, are there strategies for surviving your team’s west coast road trip? Let’s find out!

Toronto-Ottawa Game Day Experience Recap

By Kevin Lee

After yesterday's game at the First Niagara Center, I made my way back to Toronto to take in the Sens game at the Air Canada Centre. I expected the game day experience to be completely different than that in Buffalo and I wasn't wrong.

Game Summary: Game 2 - Ottawa loses to Toronto 5-4 in the Shootout

by Bonk's Mullet

Final score: Toronto 5-Ottawa 4 (SO)

Viewers of CBC's Hockey Night in Canada were treated to a masterpiece on Saturday night. Rarely do two teams put together such a perfect blend of speed, skill, and horrible decision-making. Toronto's forwards ran around Ottawa's defence all night, and despite giving Ottawa a two goal lead, managed to steal the victory in a shootout. Here's your Bonk's Mullet Game Summary™.

Buffalo-Ottawa Game Day Experience Recap

By Kevin Lee

Attending my first game at the First Niagara Center, the home of the Buffalo Sabres, I was curious as to how different the game day experience was compared to Ottawa. Here are my observations.

Senators win 1-0 over the Sabres

by Bonk's Mullet

Here's my game summary:

Opening Night: What's My Line?

By Luke Peristy

Editor's note: When you're done perusing Peristy, be sure to check out our October prediction poll, where you, the valued reader, get to predict stuff. 

Perhaps this is my fastidious analysis of off-season minutiae talking, but this past summer was riveting. From the time Daniel Alfredsson left Ottawa because the Senators didn't offer him enough money, to that time we all talked about how the Senators don't have enough money, it's been an off-season full of rich and varied storylines. Remember back when "Jared Cowen RFA Contract Watch" was a thing? I haven't been on the edge of my seat like that since the Patrick Weircioch negotiations.

And the preseason? Don't get me started! As memorable as all the games were in their own way, there's no doubt in my mind that the best preseason game the Senators played was the Breaking Bad finale. It's just a shame Mika Zibanejad went down the way he did. Damn you, Vince Gilligan!

Anyway, as fun as it's been to deconstruct the percentage values Erik Karlsson was assigning to the health of his foot, we don't have to do that anymore because Erik Karlsson and the rest of the Senators are about to start playing actual regular season hockey games. Way to survive the off-season, everyone! Well, mostly everyone...

Ottawa's first regular season foes are the Buffalo Sabres. This year's Sabres team is trying to follow Ottawa's blueprint for success from last year i.e. ride a squad of AHLers, depth players, whatever it is Patrick Kaleta is supposed to be, God-mode goaltending, and their one remaining star player to an improbable playoff berth. Can they pull it off? Maybe, but to be more specific, probably not.

With the opening day lineup pretty well set, let's take a look at the line combinations Paul Maclean is likely to send out tonight.

Bonk's Mullet Reader Prediction Poll - October

by Bonk's Mullet

Editor's note: I'm taking part in the Sens Extra prediction panel every game this year. Check it out here. My only goal is to destroy Mendes.

It's that time of year: prediction season. It's a type of mental masturbation where writers pick their favourite teams and players, and there's nothing you can do to tell them they're wrong. And of course, come playoff time, 99 out of 100 articles are trashed, never to be seen again, while that one lucky writer "Don Cherries" his work (the act of selectively showing off only the predictions for which you were correct).

And now it's your chance to do the same! Every month, we'll lay out a series of questions, and you, the reader are given a chance to strut your stuff. We'll declare a winner each month, and we'll even keep standings! Scoring will be completely arbitrary and inconsistent.

So here's your official Bonk's Mullet Reader Prediction Poll for the month of October:

The Return of DJ Z-Bad?

by Chet Sellers

EXCLUSIVE! We've checked in with our official RBM Binghamton correspondent and confirmed that even though "Mika Zibanejad" may be disappointed about his recent demotion to the AHL, DJ Z-Bad is taking things in stride. And what better way to show the world it can't hold you back than to keep doing what you love, in this case by spinning a white-hot set last night at Binghamton's swankiest club? Our correspondent passed along the following reactions to Z-Bad's return to the public eye:

Ottawa Senators Off-Season Power Rankings - October 2013

by Chet Sellers

 

The season's almost here! And the end of the off-season means the end of the off-season power rankings, right? That's what I thought, but let's go to the mailbag:

Well, who am I to argue with that? Will it be a challenge to continue these off-ice power rankings without being biased by events on the ice? Of course. Is it a bigger challenge than the 1979 deregulation of the US craft brewing industry? No. So let's do this.

This is going to be an exciting season for two reasons. One is that, on paper, the Senators are more talented than they've been in several years, and they go into the 2013-14 season with legitimate expectations - how they deal with that pressure will define their success or failure. The second reason to be excited is the increasing number of Senators that are not only present, but surprisingly active, on Twitter. Heck, last month I wrote about the dearth of Senators aged 30+ using social media, and since then, even team dad Chris Phillips has signed up. If we can read their minds, what tales will their tweets tell? Let's find out!